I believe that any person who settles in life is a person that stops living. Too many of us settle! We simply accept our places in life and cease to seek out new opportunities and adventures. To me that’s sad and not a good way to go through life. I know too many people who aren’t happy with whatever situation presents itself in their life and they do nothing to try and change it. I can’t live my life that way.
For the second time in my life, I’m at a crossroads. Some tell me I’m having a mid-life crisis, but I know myself better than that. All my life I’ve always strived to make it better than it is, never completely satisfied with my lot. It was ten years ago that I made a big change in my life, leaving an unfulfilling fifteen year career in banking to go back to school and become a teacher. I don’t regret a thing about that decision.
A decade later I find myself a little unsettled with my life and I’m longing for another big change. It’s how I’ve always lived my life. Before my big career change I tried a lot of things. I attained a real estate license, earned a certificate in paralegal studies, and even went to audio recording school. When things didn’t pan out I just moved on until I found what worked for me.
For five years I lived in an unhappy relationship, keeping up appearances on the outside but longing for a different life altogether. I finally became so unhappy that I provided the spark that ended a twenty-year relationship, but that wasn’t the only thing that would give me fulfillment. As a single person, I just wasn’t finding happiness. The first two and a half years I plodded along, living somewhere in between mourning a loss and charting new territory. In the past couple of months I’ve finally started to enjoy my life. I’m finally, truly out there, and I’m loving it. Yet there are other things in my life that I’m not satisfied with, and thus my new challenge.
The crossroad I find myself faced with is a decision whether or not to move to New York City. I was born in the Bronx and returned there after high school for a spell and so I’ve always had a special love for it. I’ve always dreamed of living there and since I’m single and free, I can do it if I want it badly enough. That’s the question: whether or not I want it enough to go for it. Like anything else, a decision like this can’t be made in a rush. Both sides need to be looked at carefully.
I’m single and I live in suburbia. It’s taken me three long years after the end of my relationship to come to terms and be comfortable being single. Long Island is not a great place for a gay single man. There are relatively few places to meet people besides the Internet and in New York City you’d be hard pressed not to encounter other single gay men. Besides, I’m not getting any younger and now would be the time while I’m still young enough to enjoy a little.
My house has gotten to be too much for me. I realize now that I bought it for all the wrong reasons. When my ex and I broke up, neither of us could afford to go out on our own and the hassle of selling the house became a daunting labor. So after about eight months of living together, I made an offer to buy it simply because I didn’t want to live like that any longer. It’s not a decision that I regret, but it’s just not right for me anymore. A house is a lot of work, and when you work a full time job and live alone, keeping it up is hard to do.
Overall, life is good, but deep in my heart I know that there’s more out there for me. If I don’t give it a shot, I’ll probably always regret it. So in the spirit of my own philosophy I’m seriously considering the move. It’s not going to be easy. I’ve got to sell my house, find a new job, and a place to live, and there are many other considerations to ponder. It may not be all that I dream it to be, but I’ve just might have to give it a shot. Stay tuned…