The day my mother died was the worst day of my life. I am sure that there are millions of people who can relate to that statement, in some way. This is the one thing that I have kept reminding myself for the last five months. I am not alone. People go through this kind of thing all of the time. I cannot help but wonder if it affects all people the same. You know what I am talking about. We all take grief in different ways. The death of a loved one , especially a parent or child, is one of those things that most hope to never experience. However, the sad truth is, most everyone will have to face death when it hits close to home.
I know that what I have to say about death and dying may be of no comfort. Frankly, when you lose someone in your life that you are very close to, you are left with a gaping hole. there is very little that you can do to fill this voided space. As a matter of fact, it will most likely be there always. It is just a matter of learning how to live your life differently than you did before. You may have to do new things to distract yourself from your own mind. You will find that many things that you have always done before the death of a loved one, may not ever hold the same meaning. Some things you may never do again. A perfect example of this is the fact that before my mother died, I got a great thrill out of cooking great meals, just so she could enjoy them and tell me how wonderful they were. It has been five months and I barely cook much at all. Just standing in the kitchen, where she used to be, fills me with pain. Yes, I will cook more. I am actually doing much better now than I was. Nevertheless, I really wondered in the beginning if i would ever enjoy cooking again. I am not there yet, but I do believe that I will be. My mother and I also shared a great love of the written word. Most of the conversations that we had involved either what we had recently written or read. Since I lost her, I have not had the first conversation about reading or writing.
When it comes to things in life that are unbearably painful, it is just human nature to separate yourself from reality. It is a coping mechanism that we are equipped with. However, sometimes it is possible that we dig ourselves so far down away from the pain, that we lose a grip on the life that keeps on living around us. You really have to be careful, to not completely lose it. That is the hardest part when you lose someone. You have to relearn all you ever knew about how you live your life. At times it will seem as if the rest of the world is just speeding by and there you are stuck inside of your own buried grief. You have to let it out. At the very least a little at a time.
Knowing that you are not alone, is a great help. Keep the people around that make you feel better. I know that that sounds selfish, but you will realize that the people who drag you down, you do not need around. Temporarily surround yourself with all of the things and people in life that lift you up. You will get through. Be strong. Ask for help when you need it. You are not alone.