Note: This was written by a Yahoo! contributor. Join the Yahoo! Contributor Network to start publishing your own articles.
If the only things certain are death and taxes, it’s especially true on Wisteria Lane. That’s the deceptively tranquil looking street on which the beautiful vixens of “Desperate Housewives” live-a tidy suburban neighborhood that has been the scene of more deaths per capita than a tsunami.
Some of the funnier and stranger deaths on “Desperate Housewives” include seductive Realtor Edie Britt (Nicollette Sheridan) crashing into a utility pole after swerving her car to avoid hitting Orson Hodge (Kyle MacLachlan). In a stroke of bad luck, a puddle of water electrifies the pole and fries the hapless Edie. Another bizarre “Desperate Housewives” death occurs when Fairview’s mayor Victor Lang (“Mad Men’s” John Slattery), who was married to spoiled Gabrielle Solis (Eva Longoria Parker) for a nano-second, dies in a tornado after a flying fence post pierces his chest.
Of course, not everyone on the show meets such a colorful end. Some are merely run over or hit by a car, an occurrence as common on the show as trimming hedges.
Although no one has yet died on “Desperate Housewives” this year, the season is still young. Here are some possible “Desperate Housewife” deaths that could happen in season 8:
Renee dies in botched-up Botox session: While getting her flawless face firmed and tightened, the rude but ravishing Renee (Vanessa Williams) falls victim to a vengeful nurse toward whom Renee has been condescending. The nurse triples the amount of Botox in the needle, causing Renee to fade out with an eerie smile frozen on her face.
Paul is axed by new bride: Paul’s second wife Beth (Emily Bergl), whom he married while in prison, feigns suicide by sleeping pills to foil her controlling husband (whose first wife, Mary Alice (Brenda Strong), took her own life prior to the show’s very first episode). As Paul leans over the ashen-faced Beth to tenderly caress her hair, she springs up from the bed wielding an axe she had hidden under the covers, ensuring there will be no third Mrs. Young.
Karen mashed by a meteor: Cranky Karen McCluskey (Kathryn Joosten), the only female character on “Desperate Housewives” who is not Velcroed to a mirror, wins a free face lift at a charity raffle. After spending six weeks recuperating at a hotel, Karen steps out of a taxi cab in front of her house-eager to reveal her new face to her waiting husband and neighbors-and a meteor crashes on her head, spoiling the plastic surgeon’s handiwork.
Who do you think will be the next to die on “Desperate Housewives”-and what calamity will cause their demise?