One fashion trend that seems to be catching on is stiletto heels for men. Yes, Bubba, ’tis true. Mucked up army boots and sneakers may soon be a thing of the past for the manly man, replaced by “digital” weaponry that you could only dream of. The fashion world of man bags has finally come up with the newest “must have” coordinating accessory. I mean, the shoes should match the purse, even for the macho, right?
I won’t waste time challenging the ad campaign which suggests that the height factor the stiletto enhances is “new”. We all (or many of us) can remember the platforms donned by under tall entertainers like Sonny of “Sonny and Cher” fame, so let’s just say the concept of adding an inch of four to a shrimp isn’t all that new. And let’s not forget Gene Simmons’ “Kiss” performance get-up, although he’s no shrimp, in any sense of the word.
Stilettos for men. I can’t imagine why a man would want to subject himself to the agony of “de feet”, not to mention the back pain and very real danger of snapping one of those spikes off while mounting a Harley. Some of the female tonnage I see strolling about on those teeny spindles is already testing the “wing and a prayer” theory. Putting a female two hundred and fifty pounder in stilettos is just tempting fate if you ask me, but at least she knows to walk on her toes.
Will there be a warning label on stilettos for the men folk? Should they be made of titanium? Should men inexperienced in toe dancing be required to sign a waiver for insurance purposes? You just can’t slap a pair of stilettos on a man and expect him to assimilate into the world of high fashion runway strutting. There is an art to successfully pulling off prancing around in 6″ heels which takes time and determination. Mark my words. If this takes off, there will be casualties.
I’m not completely sold on the “look” of a man in stilettos, either. I know these things take some getting used to, but I have a tough time imagining Toby Keith singing “Beer for My Horses” in stilettos, not to mention Karl Rove. Dog the Bounty Hunter might lose a little of his mad-man machismo were he to sport a pair of stilettos, but to be honest, if I were the bounty, I’d be more afraid of his wife.
Of course there are those who might argue some men are born with graceful agility. Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly come to mind, but as a woman, I once struggled with the female competition. I can’t imagine what would have happened to my self image if I had spotted a man with higher and prettier stilettos than me descending a staircase like Norma Desmond.
A friend of mine once took a beating from a female bar owner, using one of her high heels, who accused him of delaying the poker game. He still says it was the worst whoopin’ he ever took in his life, so maybe the guys are just trying to even things up. They wouldn’t need a permit to carry a concealed weapon, and they’d have a back-up, to boot (no pun intended).
I dunno. I still can’t get used to the man bag thing. I think it’s going to be a while before I can stomach stilettos on big hairy male feet. I say, if you guys with SPS (short people syndrome) think you’ll be cured of your insecurities by adding a few inches to your height, maybe you’re looking in the wrong direction.