I don’t think that jealousy is dominant to one gender above the other but I do know that when it rears its ugly head it is a killer to relationships. As men we have a natural sense of competition amongst our peers for the attention of desirable women and when our girlfriend is the female in question we have an inclination to protect that relationship at all costs. Oftentimes this jealousy has no basis in reality and is just a projection of our fears onto our girlfriend. It doesn’t have to be this way, you can work to control your jealousy and learn to relax so that you can enjoy the time you spend with or without her. Below, I present six tips to ridding yourself of this insecurity and if applied correctly can go a long way in keeping an honest and open relationship.
1. If You Cannot Accept Her Past, Then You Have No Future
Dealing with a girlfriend’s past love life and sexual history can be a difficult thing to do. Due to the high likelihood of jealous feelings emerging after a talk about such topics it is probably best to avoid knowing at all. Once you know all about how they used to be before you or they guys they dated you will almost inevitably start to compare yourself with those before you. You have to either accept her as she is or cut her loose if you’re that uncomfortable with the truth. It is not fair to her that she has told you the truth and you continue to hang over her head whenever you get angry with her. Personally, I have found that knowing the truth even when it hurts to be preferable to being deluded into thinking the girl is actually the ideal I’ve created in my head and that knowing her full character tells me what red flags I should pay attention to.
2. Her Time Doesn’t Always Equal Your Time
Being in a relationship does not mean that you have an ownership claim over that person or have rights to be included in their every waking moment. Recognize that she does have a life outside of you that consists of work, school, activities, and friends and yes some of them will be other guys. With all of that in mind it becomes really clear that she cannot keep all of that going and be with you every single second of the day so learn to let go. Be happy that she has made time for you in her life even during the times that she chooses to spend it with other people.
I’ve dated girls that were much more extroverted than I’ll ever be and had full social calendars yet still made time for our relationship and let it be known that it was an important aspect of her life. Your jealousy may be because while she’s out doing something, you’re at home sitting around and doing nothing. The jealousy stems from you not being happy with how your life is going and is a sign that you need more fulfillment.
3. Recognize the Causes
What is it that makes you jealous? Is it seeing your girlfriend talk to other guys? The aforementioned lack of time? Figure it out. Analyze and stamp out the causes of your insecurity when you find them. Your happiness should not be dependent on whether you have a girlfriend or not, she is there to serve as an enhancement to your life and you for hers. Jealousy is usually just a fear of losing something and if this feeling pervades your life then you are just using your relationship to mask dissatisfaction in other areas of your life. No matter how great of a girl she is she isn’t going to be able to heal all of your wounds and solve all of your problems. So use that jealous energy you have built up inside of you and use it to focus on making yourself happy.
4. Don’t Compare Yourself
You may very well be the best in the world at something but I guarantee you there is someone out there better than you at everything else. There are always going to be other options for you girlfriend to choose from and if she is worth being with than you can expect regular attempts to get with her by other men. Until she decides otherwise, you are the one that she wants as her boyfriend and your time is best spent on making the best relationship you can have together and not constantly looking over your shoulder for threats.
5. Don’t Bring It Up in the Moment
When you’re full of feelings of jealousy do not say anything about it to her. You’re much more likely to snap and say damaging things when you are upset and that can do much more damage to your relationship then whatever was causing the jealousy in the first place ever could. Jealousy indicates that you don’t trust her and a lack of trust will totally sink any relationship. Let the moment pass and allow yourself to come back to your senses and then if the situation was actually something that made you uncomfortable have a levelheaded conversation with her about your feelings. You cannot let jealousy take over your life because it only serves to push your girlfriend away further and makes whatever you were afraid was going to happen all the more probable in reality.
6. Have Confidence in Yourself and Be Positive
There has to be something about you that she was attracted to in the first place so have confidence that you are indeed in a good position. This doesn’t mean rest on your laurels and tell more jokes because she thinks you’re funny. No, keep growing as a person and be who you want to be and you may find that she wasn’t right for you in the first place. If she is a good match for you improving yourself and keeping your jealousy in check will serve to strengthen the bond between you and give you a brighter future together.