It’s a tacky funeral home that sends you an advertisement for your posthumous arrangements on your birthday. This recently happened to me, and granted, its arrival on my birthday could have all been a coincidence. Nonetheless, though, the whole “from the cradle to the grave” message was way more emphasized with its arrival. I don’t know about you but when that stuff arrives in the mail, I toss it like a hot potato – something I’ve been doing for years now. Unless, of course, a real need of mine causes me to read on further; or a catchy slogan does.
For instance, I stumbled across this slogan while surfing the internet: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait!” I read on further and discovered the slogan was on a sign in the front yard of a funeral home. A catchy, thought provoking slogan, and quite memorable too. At another website – Your Funeral Guy – they feature a Neptune Society ad that reads: “The current ad 2010 has the phrases ‘Think outside the wooden box’ showing a picture of wooden casket and ‘leave the world a better place.'” Ghoulish? Maybe a tad, I’d say. Anyway, the point being, eye-catching slogans will give the subject of an advertisement, especially a drab and eerie one like undertaking, a much better chance of getting someone to read on further.
The following are a few slogans I dreamed up; however, if any are already in use – kudos to whomever is responsible.
1) “Every Day One Is Above Ground, Is One Less Underground For Us – ” (Straight up!)
2) “No Toe Tag, No Problem – ” (And with a night deposit slot, no doubt)
3) “No Churn Up With A Burn Up – ” (A crematory with a rather nice play on words)
4) “Not Everybody Loves A Body, That’s Why We’re Embalming You – ” (A lyrical parody they might need the rights to)
5) “We Urn Our Money – ” (Remember John Houseman? He’d say this really well, if he were still alive)
6) “Gunnysacks Away! – ” (Sea Burials – need more be said?)
7) “Come On, Baby – Light My Fire!” (A bold statement for a crematory to make, plus will need the rights to this very famous song – and sung, by the way, by a guy who wasn’t cremated either)
8) “RIP – Van Wrinkle’s Funeral Home.” (Teetering on bad usage of a homonym)
9) “‘Rainy Days And Mondays’ Aren’t The Only Things That Can Bring You Down – ” (Hmm, catchy but eldritch)
10) “Kicked – The Bucket & Son’s Funeral Services.” (Okay, we got ourselves a winner!)
In conclusion, a catchy slogan in a funeral home’s advertisement may have me read on further. But I’d throw them away, anyway. Repulsive as they are, I’ll have to admit, I just may remember them when the time comes. And isn’t that the name of the game?