I don’t like Dunkin Donuts (1). I, unlike a lot of the rest of America, don’t “run on Dunkin,” I don’t drink their coffee, I don’t like their product, and I don’t generally frequent their stores. I think my piece about Dunkin Donuts in Southern California (2) was more a longing for the east coast than for the actual Dunkin Donuts experience.
However there is one item of Dunkin Donuts that I find myself perpetually drawn to in certain situations; the plain, unglazed, original donut. Despite my more enlightened, progressive, adult knowledge I find myself drawn back to this dangerous and sullen treat time and again; it almost brightens an otherwise lamentable day. I said I don’t go to Dunkin Donuts often and I don’t. However there are situations and circumstances where I find myself returning there like clockwork. There was a Dunkin Donuts nearby my work on 14th Street in Manhattan (right across the street actually, I looked at it all day) so that was one occasion when I’d stop in. Another time I find myself going is when I’m traveling and there is a Dunkin Donuts/gas station! Still another time I go in is when my wife and sister-in-law decide they want to go shopping, as they did today.
So here I am, with not much to do for the foreseeable future and it’s just past the lunch hour. I know I won’t eat for a few hours but still, maybe a nice, simple, plain, original donut will satisfy my cravings. So I go to the Dunkin Donuts in the Danbury Fair Mall (3) and find…nothing. The case is empty of all but save a few Boston Crème and Jelly donuts. No original old fashioned donuts. I ask the guy at the counter to which he replies, “We got the Donut stick.”
Has anyone else had the donut stick? It’s horrible. A sham of an imitation for the donut dining crowd. It’s allegedly made of the same material but it doesn’t stick, at least not in my book. So I wave him away and walk off.
It’s then that I see something which changes my whole opinion of food service. Something which I always knew happened but always remained too-secret, too far out of reach, too far beyond the grasp of my best intentions. It was a fully loaded rack of fresh donuts. All varieties of donuts and a few muffins too They weren’t ‘fresh-from-the-overn either, as one can clearly see from the attached image, they have been dipped into already and they’re covered with plastic. If they were too hot for consumption, they’d be too hot for plastic sheathing.. They just hadn’t been put out for general consumption, assumedly until the old stuff had been sold. And yet they were right before my eyes! I saw them clear as day.
I can guess that the guy trying to sell me the old-garbage wasn’t the owner operator. Because a customer who gets what they want, even if you can’t pawn off the old stuff on them, is better than an unhappy, aggressively-vengeful, highly-verbose customer like me who has a webpage where I write about local businesses and local business practices, right? He was just following orders, right?
It’s business practices like this though which make me quiver with fear at every time I buy anything anywhere! What has this world come to where a guy who wants one can’t just get a donut? If there’s more to this story, some other potential explanation which I hadn’t considered, I really wish someone would tell it.