When a loved one is in hospice and is dying it is understandable to want to limit time spent with them or to want to be absent because it is hard to watch a loved one deteriorating, declining in health until they leave this life. Even though it can be just as excruciating and painful to be around a dying loved one it can bring comfort to them and to the whole family.
Denying a loved one your time comes with many excuses. Excuses are but not limited to…excuses by a spouse, child, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, cousin, friend, etc.
1. They are so medicated they won’t know I’m there.
2. They are just lying there.
3. I’ll be in the way.
4. The immediate family will have to entertain me.
5. The immediate family will have to feed me breakfast, lunch and dinner.
6. I’d have to travel.
7. I don’t want to get stuck in traffic.
8. I don’t want to travel at night.
9. Someone else is relying on me.
10. Their condition hasn’t changed.
11. Their health is declining.
12. They’d rather have their children around them.
13. They’ll recover.
14. I don’t want to say goodbye.
15. I didn’t know they were that bad (sick).
16. No one told me they were dying.
17. The painkillers make them mean.
18. The painkillers make them drowsy.
19. The painkillers knock them out.
20. The last time we spoke we got in a huge argument (fight).
21. I don’t want to say I’m sorry.
22. I don’t want to be left alone with them.
23. I don’t want to help out.
24. I don’t want feed them.
25. I don’t want to clean up pools of spittle or vomit.
26. I don’t want to help them bathe.
27. I don’t want to take them to the bathroom.
28. I don’t want to get clean up feces or urine.
29. I don’t want to be around certain other people that will be there to.
30. They won’t know who I am.
31. I don’t want to be the strong one.
32. I don’t want anyone to see me cry.
33. I don’t want to remember them this way.
34. I don’t want the last image in my mind of them to be one of frailty.
35. I want to remember them as they once were.
36. I don’t want to go to the funeral.
37. If I don’t visit them while they are still alive I won’t feel obliged to go to the funeral.
38. No one will know if I knew they had passed away.
39. If I don’t visit them in their last days they will still be alive.
40. I will be safe from the tears.