Can you imagine explaining Christmas to someone who knows nothing about Western traditions?
Well, we start by bring a dead tree into the house and then we decorate it. Then we take our charge cards and go heavily into debt by buying presents. Then we take these presents , and even though we are very much about “saving the planet” in America, we take these presents and wrap them up in brightly covered paper and then the kids take the paper off the presents and we throw away enough paper to decimate acres and acres of trees.
We bake delicious foods for Christmas including fruit cake. Actually no one knows what ingredients go into fruit cake, we are all too scared to ask. Fruit cake is so bad that we only eat it once a year. Well, you will never find anyone who has eaten fruit cake. The fruit cakes are just passed down from family member to family member over the years. The only real chance of having the fruit cake eaten is to convince people that it contains miraculous ingredients that either prevent or cure cancer.
For many people the symbol of Christmas is not Christ, that would be silly, why honor the person who the Holiday is named after? The symbol of Christmas is a fat guy in a red suit who lives with these short people called elves and they build toys all year at a place called the North Pole and Santa delivers a hundred billion presents to every kid in the world in just one night using a flying sleigh pulled by reindeer.
And despite the heavy airplane traffic, which could basically slam into the sleigh and send Santa and his reindeer into next year, the sleigh violates every FAA regulation. It has zero lights, but it does have one red-nosed reindeer. And Santa never files a flight plan.
It gets even better. Santa, you know the fat guy in a red suit, actually lands his sled and twelve reindeer and about two million pounds of presents on your roof. Which of course should send the whole house crashing down, but it doesn’t.
And then this very fat guy, with a bag full of FREE toys for the kiddies inside the house , remember this guy is so fat that in real life, you would have to reinforce your floors if he lived with you, anyway this fat guys just flies down the narrow chimney opening, then touches his finger to his nose, and merrily flies back up, gets up on the sleigh, and completes over a billion visits to over a billion individual houses on one night.
Now this may sound unbelievable to you, but in America, we convince our kids this is all true and it is part of the “magic of Christmas.”
Actually many people believe that Christmas is secretly hosted and orchestrated by Congress in the hope that if we can get American children believing in the impossible at an early age, when they grow up , they will still believe in the impossible . They will believe that Congressmen will reform, quit spending tax money on themselves and actually balance the budget.
And wait until you see how we celebrate Easter. You see there is this big bunny that lays chocolate eggs….