Facebook experienced a four hour system outage last week, which perfectly coincided with an 800% increase in workplace productivity. Reports confirmed that after the outage occurred and after failing to remember their MySpace password, people became resigned to doing actual work.
‘Fifteen hour per-week worker who’s paid for forty’, Matt Singer, said “Dude, once ‘The Book’ went down I was like, whatever, might as well finish that ‘Fire Emergency Escape Map’ thing they wanted me to do.”
Although he went on record saying he doesn’t care, the data supports Matt’s claim.
During the four hour outage, Congress passed 3 crucial bills that were previously stalled for months, the Private sector closed 50% more deals and sent 80% more emails, and even 70% more Toddlers completed previously unfinished puzzles. Prompting 100% of their mothers to think they were geniuses.
In a twist however, the Facebook outage actually decreased the daily productivity of Senior Citizens. With the system down they were unable to embarrass grandchildren with wall posts like “That’s my Jenny, she’s a Winner!”. It also kept them from foolishly including the year within their birthdate, thereby exposing the Jurassic-nature of their age.
At 3pm that day, Facebook finally came back online and overall productivity decreased back to normal levels. Meetings were cancelled, deadlines were pushed out, while ‘Wall Posts’ and ‘Like’s’ increased ten-fold.
With things back to normal School Crossing Guard, Janet Hayes, was reviewing her ‘Friends List’ while just outside, children dodged traffic at her busy intersection. “Facebook should do something about these outages.” she cried. “I mean, take some pride in your job!”