I’ve been both a bridge player and collector of jokes for over thirty years. Here are a selection of my favorite bridge jokes for your enjoyment.
Bridge is like sex.
Everybody goes down sooner or later.
The coroner arrived at the crime scene of the murder and was met by the lead detective. As the detective took the coroner to the body the coroner asked, “Any idea of the cause of death?”
“Yes,” replied the detective. “Doubling three spades.”
Once there was a married couple they hated each other. They met another couple that also hated each other. One night they all sat down and invented bridge….”
“If you were me how would you have played that last hand?”
“Under an assumed name.”
The bride came down the aisle, and when she reached the altar, she saw the groom with a deck ofbridge cards in his tuxedo pocket.
She said, “Darling, what are your bridge cards doing here?”
He looked her right in the eye and said, “This isn’t going to take all day, is it?”
A guy goes in for his annual examination and his doctor notices his knees are bloodied and bruised. “Were you in an accident?” the doc asks.
“No, I’ve been playing bridge with my wife,
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does notstop until you sit at the bridge table.
What do you call an eight card suit?
“Let’s have a friendly game of cards.”
“No, let’s play bridge.”
Four guys were playing bridge and were being kibitzed by their buddy, Steve. Suddenly Steve grasped hischest, cried out in pain, and collapsed dead to the floor.
“Golly,” exclaimed one. “What should we do.?”
“Out of respect let’s finish this hand standing up,”
Four guys got together at one of their house to play bridge. Suddenly a fifth buddy burst in. “Sid,somebody’s at your house screwing your wife.”
“Okay, that does it,” growled Sid. “This is absolutely the last hand.”
“When did you learn to play bridge? I know it was this afternoon, but I was wondering what time exactly?”
Bumper Sticker: Nobody knows the doubles I’ve seen….
A fellow had made a bad bid and went down for 1400.
“I’m sorry,” he said to his partner, “I had a card misplaced.”
Asked his partner innocently, “Only one card?”
The hostess of a bride got a last minute call from one of the players that she was sick. Unable to get areplacement on such short notice, she drafted her husband, a mediocre player with an attitude.During the game, he got up and went to the bathroom, leaving the door slightly ajar. Everyone listened as he urinated into the toilet.
Embarrassed, his wife called out, “John, would you please close the door!”
John’s partner said, “Never mind, it’s the first time since we started playing that I’ve known what theman has in his hand!”
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some bridge players appear bright until you hear them speakin the post-mortem.
A well-balanced player makes up for his inadequacy in the bidding with hisineptitude in the play.–
A cleaning woman was applying for a new position. When asked why she left her last employment, she replied, “Yes, sir, they paid good wages, but it was the most ridiculously undignified place I ever worked. They played a game called Bridge.
Last night a lot of folks were there. As I was about to bring in the refreshments, I heard a man say, “Lay down and let’s see what you’ve got.”
Another man said, “I’ve got strength, but no length.”
Another man says to the lady, “Take your hand off my trick!”
I pretty near dropped dead just then, when the lady answered, “You jumped me twice when you didn’t have the strength for one raise.”
Another lady was talking about protecting her honor and two other ladies were talking and one said, “Now it’s time for me to play with your husband and you can play with mine.”
Well I just got my hat and coat and as I was leaving, I hope to die if one of them didn’t say, “Well, I guess we’ll go home now. This is the last rubber.”
A doctor, concerned about the physical condition of one of his bridge-playing patients, during a regular check-up asked, “Do you get much exercise?”
“Only when I sit East-West.”