I think we need a new line-up of College Football Bowl games to reflect the current state of America Here are some suggestions.
The Bail-Out Bowl – You find the two football teams with the worst record in college football and whose football programs are going down the drain due to bad management and a lack of foresight. This could also be called the GM bowl. But each team gets a million dollars for participating, courtesy of you, the tax-payer.
The Unemployment Bowl – You take two teams of economists. Of course each team has an theory on how to create jobs for America. I am not saying that there will be a lot of talent on each team. But remember these are economists who are suiting up. But it does give a whole new meaning to the term “red zone.” And of course the quarterback will not be thrown for a loss. He will be thrown for a deficit. And we know that economists can’t agree on anything. That should make for interesting play calling in the huddle. And after each quarter, the economists will have to study the numbers and issue quarterly reports.
Anyway, you take two teams of economists and the winning team can pick a strategy for ending unemployment. This may sound silly, but look at the strategies we have now that aren’t working. Why not try my idea.
Each team can have a graph chart on their helmets. And the scoreboard can feature graph charts showing if each team’s fortunes are going up or down
The Jesus Bowl: Was Jesus a savior or just some guy with a long beard and sandals? Let’s end this ongoing debate between Christians and Jews once and for all. Have the Christians play the Jews and the winner gets to decide the Jesus Debate. Just don’t let the quarterback for the Christians be a Catholic Priest. No one will want to play center. And the Jesus Bowl will give a whole new meaning to a “Hail Mary” pass.
The Christians can have a Cross on their helmets and the Jews can have a Star of David. The snacks in the stands can be communion wafers or unleavened bread. Rosary beads and menorahs will be the souvenirs. And there will be a special section for Jewish and Catholic mothers to sit, wring their hands and say ” We will never win, we will never win.
The Terrorist Bowl: Let’s face it. Terrorists just have too much time on their hands sitting around plotting to blow up airplanes, buildings and the occasional ship. We need to keep them occupied. So have two teams of terrorists play each other and the winning team gets to blow up the losing team. Plus the game will give a whole new meaning to the term “long bomb”. To make the game interesting, plant land mines around the sidelines. That way you will know if a Terrorist caught the ball in-bounds or out of bounds, The big BOOM, will be your clue.
To enter the stands the fans must undergo a strip search by TSA agents.
The Iraq/Afghanistan Bowl: Have veterans from the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq form two teams. But the key to this bowl is there is no clock. You don’t know when the game ends. It just goes on and on and on. Even if you get hurt, the coach can keep putting you back in.