Most people go through a time in their lives which can make them question or completely lose their faith in religion. I went through this period when I was in high school due to certain circumstances which seemed to be out of control. My whole life was going through drastic changes and I didn’t know how to handle them at the time.
My parents divorced and the first stage that I naturally went through was the grieving stage. Then I became depressed and withdrawn. I decided to bury myself in my school activities and sports which helped me to not think about things so much. It was during these years that I lost my faith in God and any type of religion. At that time, I thought religion was only for weak people who needed something more than themselves in this world. I thought that I was the only person I could depend on and I certainly could not depend upon a fairy tale like God.
After many years of struggling to control every aspect of my life, I had a breakthrough in which I found that I was worth more than I was giving myself credit for. I also found that the more I tried to control things, the more anxiety and fear I was faced with. I gave up wanting to make everything perfect, and instead of always worrying about the things I didn’t have, I became thankful for the things I did have.
Becoming a Christian again doesn’t seem like a miraculous thing to me anymore, but at the time when I was an atheist, I did not intellectually think that a God did, could, or would ever exist. It did not make sense to me at all. Faith is about more than that, though.
Now, I can appreciate that there are things out there bigger than myself. This makes me humble, but not sad because it helps me to better accept my place in the world around me. I know that there is something looking over me. One of the thoughts that comforts me the most is that there is a plan for everyone and God knows what he is doing. I can never know what he is up to, but I trust him to guide me in the right direction.