Bedbugs must have great press agents.
Sounds like bedbugs are the hip, new thing to hate.
New York Governor David Patterson just signed a bedbug disclosure law saying that landlords have to disclose to prospective tenants if bedbug infestations are or have been a problem in their apartments.
Starting months ago, a radio advertising campaign from an area exterminator has been continually running commercials about bedbugs, how they can bite, crawl and ruin your life. But wait, they have “trained dogs” that can scout out the creatures. They call them “Certified bedbug detection dogs.” Who certifies them?
So what happened to all those cockroaches, rats, raccoons, ants, bees, bats, mice, jumping spiders and all the other assorted ugly, creepy, crawling creatures that navigate our homes, apartments, offices, subways, streets, movie theatres and garbage cans?
Turns out bedbugs have been making inroads, climbing up the ladder of pest success and becoming king of the most annoying bugs and pest creatures.
They’ve been sleazily making the rounds of such tourist friendly spots as New York’s Empire State Building, Times Square movie theatres and even some of the more popular and high priced hotels.
Who invited the bedbugs in? Who permitted the bedbugs to take over? How did they come back in such staggering numbers?
We’ll leave it to the scientists, exterminators and other professional entomologists to tackle the technical issues.
But one can assume that with all the press coverage those bedbugs are now receiving, their Hollywood-style agents are looking to make sure that the bedbug’s 15 minutes of fame lasts longer. I can just imagine agents and marketing professionals working to generate the following programs at a bare minimum:
The announcement that a bedbug reality show airs next year on FOX
The 2011 release of a horror film titled Terror of the Giant Bedbugs-3D.
A sequel in 2013 called Towering Terror of the Giant Bedbugs-3D.
A light-hearted interview on the Today Show with an actual family of bedbug immigrants from Arizona
A pop-up book about the history of bedbugs going back to caveman days
The formation of an activist group called ‘Save the Bedbugs’.
When referring to other people’s bedbugs, a famous Blond Hollywood starlet says, “Aren’t they cute?
Following the announcement that New York is at the top of the list of bedbug infested cities, some New Yorkers take another look at living in Florida.
A South American chef fries up some bedbugs, covers them in chocolate, and presents them to the winner of that FOX bedbug reality show.
Certified Bedbug killing dogs stage a bark march for higher pay and a shorter work week.
The White House announces the first bedbug infestation since Jefferson’s administration.
Standup comedians quickly incorporate line”did you hear about the bedbug that made it to the White House?…” In fact, Craig Ferguson, host of the Late Late Show included the following zingers into his monologue:
“New York is facing an infestation of disgusting and impossible-to-kill pests. That’s right, the cast of “Jersey Shore” is in town.”
“Bed bugs can live up to a year without feeding. They’re like supermodels.”
Finally, can’t you just imagine Disney Films announcing an animated feature starring Mickey Mouse and his new partner, a cute character named Betty Bedbug, featuring the voice of former Golden Girl and Saturday Night Live Host, Ms. Betty White?
Think of the Disney merchandising opportunities. Stuffed bedbug animals that kids take to bed and cuddle up with?
Sleep tight and don’t let the bedbugs bite.