I never expected how difficult it was going to be, to be a mother. Everyone told me, but I did not listen. You don’t realize how difficult is until you are there changing diapers,enduring midnight feedings, trying to console a screaming baby on no sleep, and then you realize how right everyone was. When I became pregnant, it was unexpected, and I knew I was on my own, for I did not have a partner to help me. I had made the decision very early on, that I was going to keep my baby. When I was pregnant, I was sick, I was sore, and I could never get comfortable when I was trying to sleep. But, honestly, I would do anything at times, to go back to how easy it was, when I was pregnant. Nothing prepares you to be a parent, and every book, word of advice, cannot prepare you for the difficulty of this amazing, yet incredibly stressful stage in your life. One word of advice I can give to expectant mother: When people tell you that you will be sleep deprived, do not take it with a grain of salt, in fact, multiple your perception of lack of sleep times ten. In the beginning, after my son was born, I was happy when I got three hours of sleep the night before, but remember I am doing this on my own, many of you have partners that can help you.
I was contemplating up to the point of when I gave birth to my son, to give him up for adoption, because financially I know it was going to be difficult to support him, and I knew that I was not going to have a partner to help me, which made motherhood very stressful. I remember the day I gave birth to my son, it was an incredible experience that changed my life. When I looked at my son, at his tiny fingers, and his beautiful face, I not only knew that I could never give him up, but that I wanted to change my life for the better, to be a better mother to him, than I had gotten. He was my saving grace, and his name is Gabriel, because he is my little angel. Even some nights are difficult, and I get little to no sleep, I would never take back my decision of keeping Gabriel, because seeing his face everyday, lights up my life, and brightens my soul. Having a baby is a beautiful experience, and never is someone closer to you, than in the womb. I will always be bonded with my son, for he grew within my womb, for nine months.
I am looking forward to seeing my son grow, throughout each stage of his development. Each stage of his development brings stress of its own, and is uniquely different from the last. I cannot wait to hear him say ‘mama’ for the first time, crawling, walking, and I know I wouldn’t miss it for the world, because life is so much better with my son in it. I understand completely, those that decide to give a child up for adoption, they want their child to have a better life, and there are many other reasons as well. I am not saying I am against adoption, for adoption is amazing, helping out children that are in abusive or neglectful homes, etc… Adoption is in place to help families that desire children, and to help children who don’t have families have one.
I would never have thought a year ago, that I would be a mother. Motherhood has taught me selflessness, it is no longer all about my own needs, I have a baby that needs me to take care of him, and without me, he could not flourish. It is a great responsibility to be a mother, to have another life be totally devoted for my care to thrive, but it is amazing to see my hard work in action, watching my son grow, seeing him smile for the first time. Each amazing step of achievement he makes, I also have myself to thank for him becoming who he is meant to become. I believe that you can never give a child too much love, especially early on, because their development relies on how much love a baby receives. All I know, is that I will be there for my son, every step he takes, every time he falls and hurts him self, through his first crush, through the good times and the bad, and I will love him through it all, as I watch him grow, as I see him become the beautiful person he is meant to become.