Everyone always tells you how much your life will change after you have a baby, but until that life changing moment, you can’t fully understand the impact of those words. And then you do. When you have a baby it is a turning point in your life, more than just another life experience. It forever fundamentally changes you as a person from that day forward.
When my son was born, I was overwhelmed with so much love and fear. I couldn’t believe that I could love this stranger more than anyone else I had ever met before, while simultaneously becoming this crazy, nervous, paranoid protector.
Sleep was no longer a real option, because not only was I taking care of this tiny person’s every whim, waking constantly for feedings and diaper changes, but I actually was afraid to take my eyes off of my baby for a second. I actually took to sleeping with my son’s bassinet beside my bed, while I rested my hand on his stomach to feel his shallow breathing all through the night.
The love that I felt for my son forced me to look at the world differently. I was no longer looking at the world through my jaded perspective, but through the innocence of a child. Because of this phenomenon and wanting so much to make my child proud as he grew to know me, I realized that I had to leave a very difficult marriage
I realized that I wanted my son to respect me and to think highly of me. Suddenly, (my perception of) my baby’s opinion of me became the only one that mattered. I had to ask myself, what kind of a home and lifestyle did I want my child to grow up with, and then take the steps to make that happen. I knew that I could no longer allow my husband to insult and disrespect me on a daily basis and that the only real choice for me was to leave a dysfunctional marriage and to bravely forge on.
I have now been happily remarried for seven years. My son is almost 11 and I have a daughter who just turned 6. My children still inspire me every single day to want to be the best version of myself that I can be. They are my motivation and the driving force behind every decision that I make and choice that I face. Becoming a parent, ultimately has made me a much better, caring, compassionate person because I have learned life lessons of patience and tolerance, understanding and sympathy in a way that I never could have experienced before.