I love watching House Hunters. In my recent home search, I discovered buying a home is nothing like the way they do it on TV. Imagine that, TV is not like real life. Who knew? House Hunters leaves a lot out when it comes to a real life home purchase. Probably the biggest thing they leave out is the time it takes. On House Hunters, it’s instantaneous.
On House Hunters, it takes exactly 22 minutes to shop for, make an offer on and buy a house. Commercials not included. It’s like a little house buying miracle. Buying a real home involves time. Lots and lots of time. Plus, if things don’t work out, it’s back to pounding the lookey loo pavement. That’s right, just because your offer was accepted, doesn’t mean you’re getting the house. It takes time to jump through the hoops of real life home buying. Lots and lots of time.
In the real world, you have to be patient when buying a house. Who needs patience on House Hunters? As I mentioned before, it only takes 22 minutes to do the whole deal from start to finish. In real life, your patience will be worn down to a thin crispy wafer by the time it’s over. I’m not talking about a yummy vanilla wafer either. We’re talking dull, dry Holy Communion wafer. What is that? Ask a Catholic. Plus, we’re talking frustration and anxiety to the power of 1000.
Right up until they hand you the keys to your dream home, real life home buying is like rolling in a giant ball of frustration. Picture a cat fight scene in a cartoon. You go up, down, around and around, backward, forward and even sideways. Your brain turns to mush. It’s impossible to think of anything else. There’s no smiling, overly dressed House Hunters home guru to gently teach you the lessons you need to learn. You find yourself typing ARGHHHH! a lot on Facebook. In real life, home buying takes a lot of effort.
On House Hunters, buying a home seems effortless. They show you three houses. You pick the one that’s right for you. You make an offer. They accept your offer. Celebration time! You settle into your beautiful new home and decorate like house beautiful for your cameo. In real life, there are papers to sign, papers to gather, inspections that go horribly wrong, glitches the size of a small city and much much more. Your happy ending comes months later, if you’re lucky. Really, really lucky. Of course that’s if your finances aren’t blown to smithereens by then.
The homeowners are always a cute, sensible couple. They’ve done their homework. They’ve saved up a sizable down-payment and have plenty of money for closing costs and renovations. None of this FHA, 203K or heavily regulated down payment assistance for them. If they do have any issues, it’s OK. They’re all solved by the time the credits roll. Sure, that’s exactly how my house sale is going. Just like on House Hunters. In my dreams.