I is tired of them Yankees drinking that horsepiss they call whiskey and telling the wrong story of how Halloween done started. The normal version goes.
“Halloween is a time of celebration and superstition. Halloween has long been thought of as a day when the dead can return to the earth, and ancient Celts would light bonfires and wear costumes to ward off these roaming ghosts. The Celtic holiday of Samhain, the Catholic Hallowmas period of All Saints’ Day and All Souls’ Day and the Roman festival of Feralia all influenced the modern holiday of Halloween.”
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nothing but a pile of cow manure. But what can you expect of them Yankees ?.
It really started down South – in fact right here in Alabama.
It was never Hallow.I don’t know what fool made that up. It were Hollar, Like Hollar at me and I will Hollar back. But when you are making whiskey in the hollow, which you hide in a hallow tree – you can see how people might maybe get hollow and Hollar and Hallow missed up, but trust me, it were Hollar.
Now any idiot knows you just can’t be drinking straight whiskey. You have to ween it down a bit, you know -kinda like a Ma weening a baby. She just don’t throw that baby off her milk. She weens that there baby and in a couple of weeks, that baby done be weened off that momma’s milk. Good whiskey needs to be weened a bit off that high octane whiskey that will make you whistle Dixie whilst chasing your best friend’s wife.
Now I jest don’t know why – but the best time to be brewing moonshine is October 31. Well it is obvious that it is called Moonshine, because bout October 31, that moon is shining high and bright in the sky. Now I ain’t no Einstein, but I is the furst person in my family to pass fifth grade math. I knows that makes me something of a intellectual, a right smart person as we say down here. But me and nobody can figure out why Moonshine made on October 31st is jest the bestest Moonshine ever made.
But it is and them tax collectors know that too, so they is always spooking around on October 31, hoping to smash our stllls and deprive a lot of poor honest folks of cheap honest whiskey. That there is just mean spirited.
But Pa, a few years back, done figured that we needed some time to ween that Moonshine down a tad, so Billy Bob weren’t be howling at that moon and knocking on Mary Sue’s door at two o’clock in the morning asaying he loved her which of course is just plumb silly as iffen there were a beauty contest between a cow and Mary Sue, I best bet on the cow.
But anyhow, Pa figured if them taxpeople done come a skulking down that hollow, alooking for a moonshine, why we would have a lookout and he would hollar that them taxmen were acomin. And then we would have some boys dressed in bear costumes and they would aleap out of the woods and scare them taxmen, Send then arunning towards their cars.
That there would give Pa a few more weeks to ween that whiskey down so it didn’t burn a hole in your gullet when you drank it.
I ain’t quite sure where handing out candy become a part of Halloween, but Pa said, iffen I had a brain, I would take it out and play with it. Them folks had to wait a few weeks for that whiskey to be weened down, so to pass the time, they done start passing candy out to each other.
Well that there is the truth and that there is how Halloween done started. In fact I will hollar at you when that moonshine is weened down so it don’t set your tonsils afire, I will hollar at you and you can come down and buy some of Pa’s whiskey. And iffen a bear jumps out, don’t worry, it is ain’t nothing but a kid in a bear costume. Well at least I hope it is. That there could be one bad mistake to make.