Well it is time to winterize your home. Of course I realize I am writing this article about two months too late, as the first snowfall buries Minnesota, North Dakota, Upper Michigan, in short any state that we would never miss if we gave them to Canada, about June.
In fact I remember wearing snow shoes around Lake Harriet in Minneapolis on July fourth one year and ice-fishing on Lake Minnetonka in August. And I remember watching my icehouse sink and people reminding me that there had to be ice on the lake first. Oh those pesky details.
Anyway, the people in the far northern states should have read this article about winterizing their homes months ago. Oh well.
But here are some tips anyway. Walk around the house and check the door for drafts. If you feel cold air coming under the door, this is not good and means that you must do something. Yes DO SOMETHING Man!
And if you have an air conditioner you should have your head examined. You are an idiot. Come on, if you live in a far Northern State, you need an air conditioner, like Arizona needs more sand, like Mexico needs more drug cartels, like Obama needs bigger ears. Come on – you live in the frozen north. What, it may reach 80 one day in May? Why would you even buy an air-conditioner?
Anyway if you have an air conditioner, you need to winterize it. I have no idea what that would involved and I am still wondering what made you buy an air conditioner when you live in Frozen Tundra, Minnesota?
An important part of winterizing your home is checking the roof. When I lived in Minnesota, I would go outside and check my roof by looking at it, saying “Yep, it’s still there.”
My neighbor, who should be out of the hospital and out of traction early next year, would have his wife hold the ladder, and he would climb up on the roof checking for loose shingles or tiles. Of course that was the same day his wife found out he was having an affair and I am sure it was purely accidental that she pulled the ladder away as he was trying to climb down and then left him lying on the ground, while she went inside the house and called a good divorce attorney. She did call 911 about four hours later.
Anyway many of my neighbors would go up on the roof and checked for loose shingles and tiles. I always wondered why? Hadn’t they heard of binoculars? No ladder climbing or falls involved if you just stand in your yard and use a pair of binoculars to scan the roof. Then while your neighbors are happily falling off the roof, you can worry about winterizing yourself which involves trips to the liquor store and many bottles of bourbon.
Well I hope you found these winterizing tips very useful and all I can say is that winter is coming – DO SOMETHING MAN!