There are often times when people tend to take sides during a divorce. If your family member or very close friend is divorcing, it’s unlikely that you will want to maintain ties with their ex. Unless physical or verbal abuse played a significant role in their decision to separate, it is best to avoid taking sides. Here are some tips on how to keep your friendship neutral with both people.
Avoid Accusations or Pointing Blame
It can be easy to place blame, even if you do not realize that you are doing it. You might say something along the lines of, “Ann told me that you cheated on her, John.” Not only is he going to worry that she is telling everyone their personal business, but he might also feel uncomfortable around you in the future. It’s best to avoid talking about what happened. If he brings up the divorce and gives a reason for it, avoid arguing the other person’s side of the story.
Don’t Lie about Being Friends with Both People
Some people avoid telling one or both people who divorced that they have maintained ties with their ex. While your friend might not like it if you and your husband continue talking to her ex-husband, she will probably like it less if she catches you out talking to each other at some point. The best thing that you can do is be upfront with both people and let them know that you are staying neutral by not taking sides during their divorce.
Invite Both People to Family Parties and Events
If your daughter is having a birthday party or your son is having a graduation party, it is best to avoid only inviting one of the people to the event. When you invite both of them, however, you risk putting them both in an uncomfortable situation. Be sure to let them know that their ex is also invited and, if they make the decision to not come for this reason, don’t get upset.
Don’t Share Anything about Their New Lives
Your friend might want to know if her ex-husband is dating again and there’s a chance that you might know that answer. However, it is best to keep it to yourself instead of playing messenger. Let her find out from someone else instead of being the one to break the news. She might be hurt that you are continuing to stay friends if you know or might try to get you trash talk him.
These are just some of the things that you can do when trying to avoid taking sides during a divorce. Maintaining a friendship with both people can be challenging, but with the right judgment, it can be done.