Are you dealing with a controlling mother? Diffuse the relationship by approaching your relationship in a different way. Stop allowing her to upset you and complaining to friends. Instead, get a strategy that will help you cultivate a mature relationship.
1. Set clear boundaries.
Determine what is most important to you and set clear boundaries in those areas. For instance, do you want to spend at least one morning a week alone without any interference? If so, pick a day and tell your mother under no circumstance that she can come over during this time. Then, stand your ground by not picking up the phone or opening the door when she shows up unannounced.
2. Give her some control.
Avoid being extreme yourself by not allowing your mother any input into your life. Deal with your controlling mother by allowing her to take charge over a few areas of your life. Select simple activities that aren’t too invasive such as caring for your garden or helping you with groceries. Allowing your mother to manage a few things will make her feel important and a vital part of your life.
3. Manage her tantrums.
Part of the reason your mother is able to manipulate you is because you fear her wrath. Lessen your emotional response and deal better with your controlling mother by managing her tantrums. When she starts yelling or talking negatively to you about an event she can’t takeover, put the phone down or cut off the conversation because “someone’s at the door”. Tell yourself in advance that you won’t let her words draw you into a fight or ruin your day.
4. Don’t tell her everything.
Keep the parts of your daily activities that you don’t want to share with your mother to yourself. She doesn’t always need to know when you’re going shopping or having a tough time with your spouse. By keeping quiet, you give yourself an opportunity to have some privacy without having the usual battle over her opinions about your actions.
5. Focus on her good points.
Deal with your controlling mother and your negative feelings toward her by focusing on her good points. Does she always offer to baby-sit when you’re in a pinch? Is she the only one who comes over and helps clean up your home when things are getting out of control? Focus on these parts of her behavior. By doing so, you can have a more loving relationship with her and understand that there is an upside to everyone.
See a light at the end of a tunnel? Deal more effectively with your controlling mother by using these five suggestions and improve your relationship over time.