Because there is only one female in the world left talking to me, when she asked me to go to the Bluff Park Art Fair, I said yes. Of course in retrospect, I should have barricaded the door and when she knocked , I should have said in a Spanish accent ” There is no one home.” Of course I do not have a Spanish accent, but will spring into action and start developing one right away.
Bluff Park was named after a famous poker player who continually bluffed and won millions of dollars and gave the land to the city of Hoover Alabama and they made a park out of it. Actually I have no idea how Bluff Park was named. Maybe because it is on a bluff overlooking the city of Hoover?
Talking about overlooking. Here is one of my favorite stories. When the Johnstown Flood of 1889 killed over 2,000 people, a newspaper sent a reporter to cover the story. He telegraphed back to his editor, “Tonight God sits on a rock overlooking Johnstown.” His editor telegraphed back, ” Forget Johnstown, get an interview with God..”
Anyway, it was a very nice day and we went to the Art Fair but my friend said we could not park by the art fair as there was no parking, so we had to park in a church parking lot and get on a school bus. I noticed a knot of people standing at the end of the parking lot . I knew that a crowd or people dispersed, but does a knot of people unravel? We stood with these people, and I began to suspect that they had been recently released from the Home for the Stupid, because we saw one school bus come by, pick up the people standing at the OTHER end of the parking lot.. Then another bus came and did the same thing. We left the knot of people, who were obviously having a reunion of the brain dead, and we walked to the OTHER end of the parking lot.
We climbed on a school bus and I had forgotten that they save tons of money in building school buses by not putting in any shock absorbers. Every time we hit a bump, my spine went through the back of my skull and I noticed that the bus had a sign telling who was sponsoring this bus ride. I do not think it was any coincident that our bus was sponsored by Mr. Crack. E. Back, a local chiropractor.
They did not tell us that the bus ride would circle ten parking lots where no one was waiting to be picked up and the bus ride would be 25 minutes long. I actually think, that for no apparent reason, we hit the same Piggly Wiggly parking lot twice. There was a man across the aisle who looked like Jimmy Carter and I thought maybe he could negotiate with the bus driver just to drop us off by our car and we could all go home and call it a day.
But it took 25 minutes, mainly circling empty parking lots, before we made it to Bluff Park. Another reason it took so long is that the Bluff Park Art Fair is a major attraction, and many, many people come to it and it is probably the worse time to be tearing up the city streets and putting up detour signs, but imitating the wisdom of city councils everywhere, the city of Hoover had chosen this weekend to start a major road construction project. Which meant many of the roads were blocked off and many had major bumps where city crews had been digging and of course, our bus driver hit every bump, again sending my spine through my skull.
But we made it and I AM NOT making it up. On the bus drive on the way back, we were the FIRST to be dropped off in our parking lot. It took less than two minutes, two simple turns and only one bone jarring bump to get us back to our parking lot. We could have WALKED to the &^&* art fair.
And I suppose that it didn’t make any points with my friend, when I pointed out ALL the empty parking spaces by the art fair.” Look there is one, look there is another one. Look ANOTHER one – I AM SO glad we took this bus.”
But the Art Fair was very pleasant and there was no beer, which I considered a major drawback, but there were cokes for $3 and hot dogs for $4 and it was well worth to take that bus ride to buy a warm coke and a cold hot dog.
Anyway that is how I spent my Saturday and now I think I have ZERO females talking to me. It is a knack. I really think it is.