If you’re a guy, chances are you are at this very moment aggravating your girlfriend in some way. And if you’re a guy, it’s a safe bet you’re going to continue to do so in this relationship and any subsequent relationships, likely for the rest of your life. The things you do that slightly annoy your girlfriend are often compounded into fatal, irreversible, historic dealbreakers when her friends come on the stage. Needy and controlling may be cute one on one but when exposed to an audience, it’s probably an accurate statement to say you’re never going to see your girlfriend again. So to impress your girlfriend’s friends, and in turn make your girlfriend happy, you should most likely refrain from these repetitious activities, unless of course you can’t, in which case you should maybe seek professional help or get a girlfriend who enjoys your brand of love.
1. Calling Her Repeatedly
A call is great to check up on a loved one. To make sure everything’s fine and that everyone’s having fun. But if your girlfriend’s friends have to experience your incessant machinegun-call strategy eight seconds after each time she hangs up on you, they’re probably not going to sit around and talk about how awesome you are. More likely, the general topic will be closer to how you should not be in her life.
The second variation of this is when your girlfriend fails to pick up your call. This, naturally, prompts you to press speed dial over and over again until you feel like you’ve annoyed her sufficiently. Your thoughts of “maybe she got in a car accident” or “her phone fell into a black hole” does not make it any more comfortable on her end, with her purse vibrating for four hours straight. I’m sure you believe that calling her forty times in twenty minutes will reverse said car accident, but that just doesn’t happen. Why doesn’t she pick up? ‘Cause she’s done with you. Stop calling. Leave a message. Just one, by the way.
Another way to embarrass your girlfriend “in front” of her friends is to inundate her facebook page with comments. These aren’t just normal comments, no. They’re a very particular kind of comment. The kind of comment that makes sure everyone knows that you’re her boyfriend and that you’re both very much in love. Her comment “Just had an amazing bagel” does not require your “I’m her boyfriend. We had the bagel together. I made the dough for her.” It’s very nice to be involved in each other’s lives and to leave endearing media in each other’s social pages, but when the sole reason behind it is to assert yourself as protector of her universe, it is unhealthy and damaging to her social network. Her friends will think twice before sharing anything else with her.
3. Telling Intimate Stories
Talking about yourself is a sure sign of insecurity and self-centeredness, but if you live in Los Angeles or New York, it’s pretty cool. But no one wants their privacy divulged in the middle of a chicken pot pie. Her friends do not want to hear about secret moles on her body nor do they want to hear about the sexual proclivities of your shared bedroom. To us guys, telling stories about slightly embarrassing things are merely humorous, a way to connect with others, but to your girlfriend, you’ve basically just invented a time machine, took her back to fourth grade, and pulled her skirt down during recess for all to see. Many aspects of your relationship should stay private, like her inability to spell or her terrible cooking or how she’s not very good in bed. Her friends will feel uncomfortable and she will question why she liked you in the first place.
4. Being Yourself
You should always be yourself. This isn’t to say to turn on the fakeness. It means to be yourself and more. To be better. You might think you’re the perfect combination of perfect attributes, but chances are there’s room for improvement. And while you won’t admit there is and while you’re just too lazy to better yourself, it’s a decent thing to at least try in front of her friends. What this is should be discussed between you and your girlfriend, which is to say just let her talk and do what she asks. Gender equality goes out the door if you want a nice relationship with you, your girlfriend, and her friends.
These aren’t the only things. There are maybe five thousand more things. So to be continued, if you wish.