I remember being at my grandmother’s house one day when I was quite young. I recall hearing my mother and her mother chuckling. They were both giving me a sponge bath in the kitchen sink that resembled a deep laboratory sink. Grandma must have touched the right spot because although I didn’t realize what was happening, I had an erection. There I was, just standing in this sink knowing something was up, but not really perceiving the reality of it. It must have been hilarious for them both, don’t you think? I’ll have to ask my mother about this sometime. Grandma has passed on (God rest her soul).
THE CRYSTAL RADIO AND THE PHONOGRAPH
As I grew up, one of my endeavors was to rig up a copper wire line with two glass insulators for my crystal radio aerial outside my upstairs window. The other end I managed to connect to a tree top in the neighbor’s backyard. Old Jed (I called him) didn’t seem to mind the wire; neither did my dad, since he was the one who gave me those neat glass insulators. They had been left over from an electric project that he did with me when I was about 6 years old. Although I only picked up 2 radio stations due to the mountainous terrain nearby, it was still, in my young opinion, the best thing since sliced bread. Of course when there was freezing rain during the winter months, the ice would accumulate on this aerial wire, but somehow it never broke. It didn’t occur to me or anyone else that if lightning ever struck that line, we’d all probably be fried to a crisp.
One day I disconnected the crystal radio from its aerial and ground wire and placed it on top of grandma’s old-style phonograph which still had those glowing tubes inside (still warm from playing records), and believe it or not, the speaker inside the phonograph was playing the radio station for about 15 seconds. The wires from the crystal radio must have been just in the perfect spot to cause this odd and very brief phenomenon. In the cubby hole upstairs where I placed the radio and phonograph, I saw my late Gerbil who must have died of thirst when it escaped from its cage a few months prior.
In my teenage years, I sometimes hung out in the back of the elementary school yard. I was informed once that a girl named Wanda (fictitious name) rode her minibike around the school yard, and if she let you ride on with her, she didn’t mind if you grasped her breasts as you held on for dear life. There was no other safe place to hold on except for Wanda herself anyway. Sure enough, my day came. She offered me a ride and this was the very first time I ever felt a woman’s breast. Well, thank God I remained a virgin for a very long time after this. Oh, those crazy things that kids do!
Copyright (c) 2008 George Warholak
P.S. Always remember: A Saint has a past; a sinner a future.