Sometimes in this life you have good times and bad times and sometimes in life when it is the bad times you only have comfort in knowing that in some way death will come; Death of you, death of the relationship, death of the situation. Finally, it will be laid to rest, the pain will subside and the wounds will heal. The scars will take shape and serve as reminders of how strong you have become for having dealt with the reality that sucks so bad at times that you wish for the reaper to come to get you and stop it all.
All hell breaks loose, you cry out into the abyss, and nothing is heard. No sound at all. It is as if you are in a void because the only one who hears is you. Your screams and cries are all for naught and you lay there in a pool of sweat and a tear, quivering like the surface of the water as your next tear falls in.
Weak and helpless, afraid of everything. Finally, you whisper prayers to God to please, please send you relief in some way. Please send a sign that all will be okay and the pain will stop, the bleeding will stop the hurting will stop, the crying. The crying is the worst. Nothing is worse; it is like scrubbing salt into the wounds. It just allows the pain to live there and eat away at you.
“Oh God, please a new beginning, all I want is a new beginning… for my kids and me. Let them not suffer. Please god show mercy.” Then the pain stops. Abruptly like a rainstorm and you can breathe again, you can clean up the mess and you stop crying. Finally, a reprieve.
Then, when it is calm and there is no turmoil in your life, you hope that it goes slowly and you can savor every moment and anticipate the next one forever. You no longer see the scars, you no longer remember the pain and anguish that you once had.
A rebirth of sorts, if you will, that encompasses your whole being and restarts the energy, creativity, the love and passion that you thought you would never feel. Once again, it rises out of the ashes like a phoenix and spreads its beautiful wings thus allowing you to see in full color, smell the delightful air and know that you are alive, worthy, and loved.
You see God does answer prayers if you listen and take notes. The most innocent bit of kindness can be the difference between self worth and self-loathing. Sometimes, the answers are incredibly obvious and because they are so, it is easily overlooked. Sometimes you find someone so amazing that you know they have been purposely put in your path. Like a slap in the face, it becomes obvious that you are worthy and belong here regardless of your trials and tribulations.
I have risen above my sorrow and anguish of the distant past. I am worthy and loved. I am a beautiful, strong, intelligent woman and I deserve the wonderful life I now have. I am the phoenix.