The season has turned to fall and the leaves are changing colors, football season is well under way, the holidays are fast approaching, and the hunters are out in full force. You may be thinking to yourself, all is right with the world but you dear reader could not be more wrong. There is a darkness that has been creeping over this great country of ours so thoroughly and efficiently that only the most astute observer recognizes the destruction it bears.
This is an invasive species of the highest order that will stop at nothing to wreak havoc and devastation upon its chosen environs. Where has this species been multiplying? What is its purpose? Am I in danger? How can we defeat it? Dear reader I ask you to pause a moment, take a deep breath and collect yourself before reading further. I will do all I can to provide you with the critical information necessary to combat this diabolical fiend and expose its ugly truth to the public at large.
Our nation’s capital is ground zero in this struggle for preservation. Over the last ten years, a plague of lobbyists and lawyers has engulfed Washington D.C. Some of you may think I am overstating the magnitude of this issue but there are approximately 215 lawyers and lobbyists for every member of congress. If action is not taken soon to reverse the current inflow our collective national toilet will be clogged by this pulsating mass of human waste.
This invasive species purpose is hard to define but there are a few things that can be gleaned by observing their traits. The hierarchy of this invader indicates that its social pecking order is established by determining how much influence and power a member can gather about oneself and how effectively it can be brought to bear for personal gain. Each affiliate will attack and undermine the efforts of another but when confronted by an outside entity they will converge to ward off the assailant by throwing frivolous lawsuits at the enemy. They have been known to form small groups that take delight in unrelentingly mugging the U.S. legal system.
The devastation and havoc this malignant growth poses is unparalleled in the history of our great country. If left unchecked they have the potential to drag our nation into oblivion. The future means nothing to them as long as their self-serving needs are met. They are more than willing to pillage the hopes and dreams of future generations.
The U.S. Fish and Wildlife service has shown that a controlled hunting season with bag limits is an effective way to control nuisance species population growth. Some people will be quick to claim this constitutes murder but I disagree. I would classify this act as late life abortion. I am sure a bill could be passed in congress with the help of the pro-choice lobbyists and lawyers. In fact, I propose a lobby group backed by the best lawyers the country has be assembled in Washington to further the cause.