Sometimes we end up sleeping with someone who we’re not in a relationship with. It could be between two people who are in a “friends with benefits” situation, or someone you have been going on dates, but are not exclusive with. Whatever the case is, it is often difficult for some to separate their emotional feelings from their physical needs. Basically, it ends up as a battle between sex versus love.
When we’re intimate with someone, we get a feeling of closeness. Why? You can blame it on yourself, on the way the person who you’re with makes you feel, but make sure you definitely blame biology. Alcohol isn’t the only drug that makes us feel uninhibited and sexual. The process of intimacy brings a long with it, a strong release of the hormone oxytocin which other than playing a powerful role in reproduction; during and a little before orgasm, this chemical makes us feel bonded to the person we are with. It helps reduce anxious feelings and brings a person to a state of calmness.This is the reason that oxytocin is called the “cuddle hormone”. Other chemicals such as adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin, and vasopressin are also culprits you can blame on why you feel so close to the person you’re shacking up with.
Both men and women have problems separating the idea of love and sex, but sorry ladies, women are usually the ones who get the two confused. Most men will report that when getting intimate or even just showing affection to a woman who they are not in a relationship with, ends up with the woman thinking or wanting love or something more serious than the man is ready to give them.
Fighting biological reactions is not easy but here are a few things anyone, male or female, can do to avoid mixing the signals of love and sex.
1 – If you have feelings for someone, and know they are not on the same platform as you, avoid getting physical with them. This will only make you more confused or even to end up hurt.
2 – If you’re the kind of person who is looking to be in a serious relationship, don’t have sex with the person you are seeing too quickly. Find out where their head is at first, and then make a smart decision to take the relationship to the next step.
3 – Don’t be afraid to speak up and communicate with the person. Let them know how you feel and find out how they feel about you.
4 – Ask yourself: Do I really like this person for who they are, or do I just enjoy the physical pleasure I get from them? Make a list and be honest with yourself.
5 – Self awareness! If you know you’re a person who gets attached quickly, definitely refrain from getting physical with someone. Getting attached too quickly is a turn-off for most people, so keep your distance unless you know the person you like feels the same for you.
As much as we hate stereotypes, the awful truth is that most men think with their mini me friend, and women think with their ever so fluctuating hormones. Understanding your needs whether they be physical or emotional is key to learning how to separate your emotional feelings from the physical.
As always, if you have questions pertaining to dating or sexual health that you would like me to write an article about, please send your request to the following email address: firstname.lastname@example.org