My week 1 NFL predictions went swimmingly (although I never understood the meaning of swimmingly, it means to do something without difficulty but I find swimming to be very difficult. Maybe I should say my predictions went walkingly) but apparently I am much better at picking teams than I am at picking players. In week 1 my fantasy football team lost by 28 points despite looking like my best team ever on paper.
So I figure, most of my NFL predictions for week 1 were right. Maybe if my NFL predictions for week 2 coincide with my fantasy football players then my fantasy team will win. So this week my NFL week 2 predictions will be based solely on what teams I need to do well for my fantasy football team to win this week.
Week 2 NFL Predictions: Arizona Cardinals vs. Atlanta Falcons
Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Game 1 of my predictions and we already have a game that has no fantasy players from my team or my opponent. I came close to drafting Matt Ryan but another team drafted him just a few picks before me so I hope he sucks, worse than Derek Anderson.
Winner: Arizona Cardinals
Week 2 NFL Predictions: Baltimore Ravens vs. Cincinnati Bengals
Joe Flacco is the better of my two starting quarterbacks and 0 points just isn’t cutting it. Hopefully the Bengals defense will be as clueless as they were against the Patriots last week. I’m hoping for a three touchdown day for Mr. Jack Flack (bonus points to anybody that knows what Jack Flack is from).
Winner: Baltimore Ravens
Week 2 NFL Predictions: Kansas City Chiefs vs. Cleveland Browns
Thomas Jones got the first few carries but then Jamaal Charles showed why he should be the go to back and I need him to come up big with my starting running back Ryan Grant injured.
Winner: Kansas City Chiefs
Week 2 NFL Predictions: Chicago Bears vs. Dallas Cowboys
Chicago won by a miracle and Dallas lost the same way in week 1. Karma says Dallas wins this week but karma doesn’t get double digit fantasy points. DA BEARS need to shut down my opponent’s tight end Jason Witten.
Winner: Chicago Bears
Week 2 NFL Predictions: Philadelphia Eagles vs. Detroit Lions
Yahoo predicts that DeSean Jackson will get 12 points for my opponent but I don’t think the Eagles Suck N’ Run offense will be effective (it’s called Suck N’ Run because Kolb sucks and Vick runs, resulting in not much passing).
Winner: Detroit Lions
Week 2 NFL Predictions: Buffalo Bills vs. Green Bay Packers
Even though Ryan Grant went down with an injury I still have Greg Jennings and Mason Crosby on my team. It’s always nice to see the Bills on the schedule. I’d start Greg Jennings twice if I could! (Actually the Bills pass defense is not that bad but we’ll ignore that because it’s not funny to compliment the Bills).
Winner: Green Bay Packers
Week 2 NFL Predictions: Miami Dolphins vs. Minnesota Vikings
The Phins and the umm…Kings(?) is one of toughest games of Week 2. My opponent has Ronnie Brown and I have Ricky Williams. I don’t have to start Ricky but I might just to see which of the two has the better game. My opponent also has the Vikings defense so maybe I should start Ricky and hope he dominates them while Ronnie simultaneously breaks a leg (no offense Ronnie).
Winner: Miami Dolphins
Week 2 NFL Predictions: Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Carolina Panthers
The combination of Vincent Jackson and Michael Crabtree forced me go out and get Tampa Mike (not be confused with Seattle Mike). Mike was not the highest scoring receiver on the free agency but I figured he would do the best for the rest of the year as the Bucs likely number one receiver.
Winner: Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Week 2 NFL Predictions: Seattle Seahawks vs. Denver Broncos
This is another game that has no fantasy players on my team or my opponent’s team. That allows me to say these five words, DOUBLE TEBOW ALL THE WAY!
Winner: Denver Broncos
Week 2 NFL Predictions: St. Louis Rams vs. Oakland Raiders
Jason Campbell is my back up quarterback but I doubt I’ll start him over Donovan McNabb. My opponent also has Janikowski so those suckas in St. Louis better keep the Raiders out of field goal range (unless I do start Campbell, then they should let the Raiders waltz into the end zone).
Winner: St. Louis Rams
Week 2 NFL Predictions: New England Patriots vs. New York Jets
Thank goodness for Revis and Butthead (you decide which Jet is Butthead). My opponent this week has Tom Brady and Wes Welker. In my league all touchdowns are six points and players get 1 point for a reception. Every touchdown Brady throws to Welker is 13 points for him and that isn’t including the yards. Fortunately Brady had just one touchdown pass in two games against the Jets last year.
Winner: New York Jets
Week 2 NFL Predictions: Jacksonville Jaguars vs. San Diego Chargers
While other teams started picking defenses in the 7th or 8th round I waited until the third to last. The top defenses were picked so I went with a Chargers team that had a pretty nice schedule to start the season. That’s right Jaguars right now you’re batting and I’m chanting, “Easy out! Easy out!”
Winner: San Diego Chargers
Week 2 NFL Predictions: Houston Texans vs. Washington Redskins
Depending on whether I start them I could have Donovan McNabb and Clinton Portis AND Andre Johnson and Arian Foster in this game. Hopefully it will be a high scoring game but I think it is more important for Johnson/Foster to have a big game. Final Score: Houston 137 Washington 134
Winner: Houston Texans
Week 2 NFL Predictions: New York Giants vs. Indianapolis Colts
The Manning Bowl is one of the top stories this week and I hope both Mannings do well. Not because I like them, or because they are both SEC guys or because I have them on my fantasy team. Just keep the ball out of Joseph Addai’s hands.
Winner: New York Giants
Week 2 NFL Predictions: New Orleans Saints vs. San Francisco 49ers
My opponent is double dipping again with Alex Smith and Frank Gore. If the 49ers play like their first week then I like my chances of winning in week 2. My opponent could choose to bench Alex Smith and start Jacksonville’s David Garrard instead. “Easy out! Easy out!”
Winner: New Orleans Saints
Week 2 NFL Predictions: Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Tennessee Titans
Last week I admitted that I was going against my best quarterback picks in order to make a biased pick for the Steelers. The good news is that I don’t have to do that this week. My opponent and I both lack any Steelers or Titans so I am free to pick the Steelers without it affecting my fantasy football team.
Winner: Pittsburgh Steelers