My mom lives with Bipolar Disorder however it’s not just her that has to go through it. I have to go through it also as her daughter, sometimes it can get a bit stressful. She has pretty bad attacks that affect me in many ways, such as her name calling, throwing things and hitting things or herself which I don’t know how to stop her from doing so.
It’s weird how her attacks happen, because one minute she’ll be perfectly fine to raging to find something to hit, to crying. It makes me stress out and sometimes & get frustrated myself. Honestly it makes me get angry, angry at her and at this Disorder. Her attacks can be over the most littlest things to something I might have done to one little word i say that she takes the wrong way.
I am not sure what triggered all this but it got a lot worse when she was dating this guy about 4 years ago. After awhile they couldn’t put up with even the smallest thing about each other and this made her really agitated. Her boyfriend at the time would aggravate her in away that would almost drive her Crazy. They have not been together for some years now but the Disorder is still here, it has not left her like her boyfriend did.
I understand that when she is having an attack she doesn’t know what she is doing, so I hold nothing against her. But when she says things that hurt my feelings it hurts in away I cannot describe. My mother is always talking about Emotional Pain vs. Physical Pain and how when she hurts herself the Physical Pain takes over and makes the Emotional Pain Stop! I don’t tell her how this hurts nor that she never stops saying them.
Most of her attacks happen while she is getting ready to go somewhere. Like lets say she doesn’t look a certain way or doesn’t like or know what to wear. If your a girl you probably know what I’m talking about and sitting there saying “yeah that’s me” but trust me you don’t have anything like this. Her mood changes and she suddenly can’t handle anything around her and I mean Nothing. If she were to be in one of those attacks and happened to walk in to the other room and see something out of place or dirty, Watch Out! She freaks out and has to have something done about that second or she will get out of control.
I know that there are way to help this, but not to completely get rid of it. I would be proud of my mother if she follows through with getting some help, not just cause of me, but for herself and everyone around her. She has recently told me that she is planning on seeing a Doctor and a Counselor about her Bipolar Disorder, which I know is a challenge for her, but also a big step. I will be there for her every step of the way and helping her out as much as possible. I love my mom a lot and I don’t want anything to ever happen to her now or in the future. She is the one person that has always been there for me and I will always be there for her. No matter what the situation is involving, I am sincerely proud of my mom and couldn’t be any happier living with her.
I Love you Mom,
Living in the Shadows of my Mother, the Crazy!
ps I hate you Bipolar and wish you would leave me and my mother alone, Go away and never come back!