Back in the day a man carrying a purse was chancing ridicule. I remember an incident with the ex, when we were traveling to Florida with the niece. It was at a time when airport security was in its infancy. We had cleared the check point and were just buckling up on board our flight. The ex asked me where my purse was. Of course it was still sitting on the conveyor belt at security.
I was struggling with the kid and all her baby crap and told him he would have to go and retrieve my purse with all the money and our return tickets in it. The look of pain and horror was priceless. He has yet to forgive me, almost forty years later. Why? Simple. Men were not created to carry a purse. That’s a woman’s job.
Listen up you man bag toting dopes. Throughout the ages, women have been your mules The only things a man was seen carrying on all those cute little scribblings in caves were weapons and their egos. They never even carried dinner back, they dragged it. The women carried the food, the furniture, the pots and pans, all incidental possessions, and the kids. So why on earth would you in this day and age want to carry your own junk in a purse? The whole man bag thing is a blight on humanity. You have set the human race back thousands of years.
And another thing. Have you men seen what you look like carrying a purse? You’ve all been complaining about what a literal pain in the ass carrying your wallet has been. You know, “Honey, can you get me a beer? I’ve been carrying this wallet around all day and I’m pooped.” Well, bright brains, what do you do about it? You stuff your two pound wallet in a twenty pound $200 sissy sack and haul that around all day, swapping a little boo-boo on your fanny for a gait like Quasimodo. Yup. And you guys rule the world.
What the heck do you put in those things anyway? We women have a standard conglomeration of items carried in a purse including but not limited to comb, lipstick, wallet, checkbook, hand cream, toothpaste, emery board, corkscrew, Tampax (well, for some, heh, heh) magnifying glass, hand wipes, photos, 4-5 pens, keys, perfume, mirror, flashlight, scissors, spare skivvies, phone, varying degrees of important papers and mail, and a couple of mementos. I’ve never actually looked in a man bag, but I can’t think of what among the above that you might need. A flashlight? Why? Your woman’s already got one, ya dope.
I wonder, do you guys have as much trouble finding things in your purses as we do? Do you coordinate your purse and shoes? Do you complain about them not being big enough, or about the magnetic clasp not working? I dunno, a man carrying a purse just goes against all that is decent and holy.
You see, Mr. Man Bag, all you need to survive in this world is a nice big fat wallet. You don’t have to saddle yourselves with the MacGyver kits we women have grown to know and love. Get yourself a nice big fat wallet, and MAN UP! It’s so much more attractive than your man bag. Besides, you look silly.
Contrary to popular opinion, a bulge on the backside of a man is much more fascinating to women than the one on the front.