Women, we always tell ourselves that we are failures and believe it so much that we started to act like failures. We always look at man for self confidents. That is why there are so many divorce cases in the country. We look for faults on everything; we look so hard that we end up creating them.
Look at these scenarios:
– If you see your friend laughing at your husband’s jokes you always assume that there is more to it. Even when it’s just an innocent gesture.
– If he goes out with his friends you create and believe strongly that it’s an excuse to go see his mistress. We never stop and think that maybe he might be telling the truth.
– How many times do we assume that the husband was late because he was cheating and later found out that it was really a car breakdown?
– Your husband comes home late; all you do is screaming and yell at him. Do we ever wait for him to explain what really happened?
– We never stop to think and worry that maybe something has happen to him. All we think he is having a good time where ever he is.
If we can believe in love and happiness as much as we believe in cheating and betrayal the world would have less divorce cases. Why are we always so insecure so unhappy? Yes most of the time men do cheat but can you blame them, when you still a girlfriend and boyfriend all you do was fun, happy. You dress, cook his favorites; you will always say the best things about him, never complaints that’s why he ask you to marry him in the first place (perfect wife). He believed it was going to be the best marriage of his life. You changed, everything that you use to do stops, you become this monster who lives in his house just waiting to scream and argue all the time. Looking everywhere for mistake and problem.
He goes out with his friends so that he can breathe and come home late when you are asleep to avoid the arguments. You wait for him and tell him exactly the way you think of him. By then you have pushed him so much that now he wants to do exactly what you believe he has been doing. He started cheating for real this time. He stops carrying about what you think.
Out there he finds what we call splitting image of what you used to be and more. A hot cooked meal, a smile, no complains, clean and well behaved woman, she is always there for him, she listens to him with all her heart.
We never ask ourselves a question like:
– Why did this guy ask me to marry him?
– Why did he introduce me to his family and friends?
– Why does he eat my food and have kids with me?
– What exactly did I do to make him do that?
– Was it because he loved me, and he thought I’m the most beautiful thing in the world?
– What happened to me, why I’m so mean, so unhappy?
We never take time to put ourselves in his shoes and ask: what if this emotional abuse was been dished out to me? How will I feel if I come home late one day and my husband starts yelling at me without listen to me?
We push and push until men can’t take it anymore. We forget men are like small children, sensitive yet defensive. What you see it’s what you get no hidden agenda.
Remember the different between the wife and the girlfriend is:
– The wife has a good marriage and a loving husband. She will do everything she could to get rid of her husband.
– The girlfriend is looking for a good marriage and a good husband. She will do everything she can to get it,
So why don’t you do everything you can to make your marriage work? Be the girlfriend you once been, the beautiful, full of smiles you always been.
– Give him space – healthy relationship is not clingy and overly dependent. It doesn’t mean you don’t do things together anymore.
– Emotional support – don’t put him down in front of his friends and family. Don’t discus your problems in public like crazy people, do it in private.
– Spend time together just the two of you
– Talk with him not to him, he is not a child.
– Share house task together – don’t force or complain about it. This way your husband will feel like part of your other world and gets closer.
– Think before you say what’s on your mind – try laughing together make jokes, play like kids this will help clear the tension and remind him of the good old days.
– Socialize – ask him to invite his friends and their spouses to your house, have a braai or lunch with them. Isolation leads to depression and violence.
– Open communication line – if you can be able to talk to each other about anything it will make easier for you to express your feelings. Have good listening skills too.
– Respect him – he will respect you back. Respect is earned, if you don’t respect others don’t expect to be respected
Write a list of good things and bad things about your husband. Write another one about you and what you wouldn’t like done to you. By doing this it will help identify the root of the problem, maybe even the solution.