Mitchell Martian sat on the shore of the Martian beach, trying to soak his feet in the water. After all, it was summer and it was a burning 68F. Mitchell took out his ultrascope and pointed it at the earth, looking at all the humans on their beaches, swimming, and enjoying the water. If only he were able to do that, he might be happy. In fact, he thought that many of the young Martians, now nestled inside the planet to stay cool, would probably be happy as well.
Mtichell rushed inside and exclaimed, “Bleep blop bloop blorb, bliggle, blag, bluff, blimmers.” Now, of course, that doesn’t mean anything to you or to me, but to his wife it meant, “I must find a way to make it so our water isn’t frozen!”
Mitchell’s wife said, “Murfurgoz, mumf!” If you can figure out anything, this meant, “You’re crazy!”
Mitchell didn’t care, though, and he grabbed a ray gun and ran outside. While there are stories of Martians having ray guns that shoot other planets and destroy them, the truth is that Martians have infrared ray guns that are no more powerful than our remote controls.
Mitchell aimed the ray gun at the frozen water and started pressing buttons. Nothing happened to the water. Because of this, the result was not pretty after Mitchell tried to dive into the water head first.
He gazed through his ultrascope at Earth again. Then he looked toward the sun, wondering why earth had all the good weather. After all, the water wasn’t frozen, and shouldn’t it not be frozen at 68F? Mitchell guessed that the water must be in an area that was colder than the rest of the planet. It is the only thing that made sense to him.
Mitchell decided that the only thing to do was to fly to Earth to find the solution to why Earth had such nice water and why humans could enjoy themselves.
He didn’t bother telling his wife or his children of his plans. He simply got into his Mars-80s Bends, which we think of as a flying saucer, and flew towards earth.
Mitchell managed to enter Earth’s atmosphere with no problems, but soon afterwards the shock of the very hot temperatures started to turn his delicate blue skin a dark, intense purple. He flew away, now understanding that the earth was VERY HOT, and this was the case all year round for many places.
Going back home, his wife and children met him, all jabbering at the same time. It was only once Mitchell told of his discovery that Martians knew the severe heat of the Earth. Thus, they vowed to never visit Earth again.
However, sometimes, when some unsuspecting person is star-gazing, they do catch a glimpse of a Martian out flying in the solar system, wishing that somehow he or she could enjoy what the humans enjoy.