Armageddon has arrived! Those damn politicians done went and blew themselves up leaving nothing but dry, arid wastelands populated by roving packs of nomads, scavengers and murderous motorcycle/car-driving bandits. Ineffectual to stop the mayhem, the splintered and self-serving government does nothing but control the flow of gasoline and attempt to unite tribes and towns into a cohesive states. That’s just the insanity above ground! Below the scorching sands dwells a subterranean society of cannibalistic, Morlock-like creatures called ‘Sand People’ that wait to snatch travelers that stray to far from base camp. What exactly do they want? Well, dinner is indeed served. Basically the future sucks all kinds of post-nuke balls.
When the leader of a particularly ruthless army of scoundrels named Scourge kidnaps a young woman and subjects her to a thorough OB/GYN examination with his flesh flute, he inadvertently starts a war with her brother Trace, a wasteland warrior anti-hero with a questionable background who always shoots first and then pushes you off a cliff to your fiery death with his super-charged car. I think what I’m trying to say is, he’s a bad ass and he will kill you.
On his way to rescue his sister from the hundreds of scabby henchmen who she’s already been forced to played “hide the salami” with, he comes to the aid of a falcon-wielding bounty hunter named Stinger, an orphaned young telepathic named Spike and a jabbering midget cult member named Pug. The group set out to a small camp run by a peace cult dedicated to building a rocket that will fly them to another planet, away from all the hatred, degradation and murder. Still intent on retrieving his sister though, Trace leaves the camp to continue his journey. Not long after he exits, Scourge and his crew make a preemptive strike on the cult and government, leveling the site and slaughtering all of the cult members and government officials.
Upon seeing the burning complex, Trace heads back and rejoins Stinger, Spike, Pug and a few surviving government officials to plan an attack Scourge and his army in order to end the violence once and for all. Can Trace save his sister and help the good guys save the say?
Wheels of Fire is pure post-nuke poop and I loved it! There’s not much to go on here, and is the case with most exploitation, so don’t expect to find out how the world ended up post-nuke. Forget finding out why Trace left the government forces or what his connection to Scourge was either. The entire film is really just one long road trip featuring Trace stopping along the way to save people, shoot people and shove cars off cliffs. Is that a bad thing? Not in my book but then again I’m very easy to please when it comes to films like this. I only ask for matte black muscle cars modded with roll cages, grille guards and spikes, a dusty desert location and a bunch of cannon fodder wearing knee-high boots, black bandannas and football shoulder pads. If I get those things, I’m a happy trash fan. Throw in some nudity and you’ve guaranteed yourself a purchase.
I could probably prattle on about acting and shit but nobody watches post-nuke exploitation films for acting and intelligent dialogue, you want something fast-paced resembling a Mad Max film. Wheels of Fire was just that. I was even treated to the awe-inspiring wobble of a Playboy Playmate’s huge jugs and a hilarious Filipino midget, need I say more? This is only available on VHS or laserdisc but if you look hard enough at our links section, you may find a website selling this on DVD. Good luck.