Ya know, if I didn’t know better I’d say somebody was out there trying to ruin the Amityville franchise. With films like this as evidence no self-respecting horror jury would acquit the scumbag. He (or she) should be swung by their nipples over horny, half-crazed Lemurs with a tattoo on their ass that says, “NO LEMURS ALLOWED!” Sure, that doesn’t seem so bad but Lemurs don’t take kindly to discrimination.
What I’m rambling on about and really trying to say is…Amityville: It’s About Time was junk.
Jacob Sterling (Stephen Macht) returns home after a business trip and brings something back for his Family. It’s a beautiful old clock he got from a construction job out in Amityville. DUM DUM!! His son Rusty (Damn Martin) isn’t impressed and his fresh-faced daughter, Lisa (Megan Ward) is just happy to have her Daddy home.
Andrea (Shawn Weatherly), his ex, stayed with the kids while Jacob was gone and though Andrea and Jacob are no longer “together”, he cons her into staying for the night. His invitation is met with a sweaty hump session, despite Andrea being in a new relationship.
Meanwhile the sinister clock from Amityville has already begun working its evil by causing Rusty to hallucinate. Deciding it was nothing, he returns to bed. Problem is, the clock isn’t just stirring up evil in the Sterling home but its also physically drilled, clamped and rooted itself into the home.
During his morning jog, Jacob is attacked by his neighbor’s dog, Peaches. The attack was extremely savage and leaves Jacob with massive leg wounds. All of which begin to spontaneously infect upon entering the house. Andrea decides to stick around for a few days in order to help Jacob and the kids get along until he’s back up on his feet.
Not only has the clock been gaining strength but elderly Miss Wheeler (Nita Talbot) has also witnessed the evil the clock is bringing to the home. During a chess game with Rusty, she relays to him that she also has seen bad things surrounding the house and there must be something wrong.
Damn skippy there is! A Nazi swastika has been painted on one of the neighbor’s garages and fingers are immediately pointed in the direction of neighborhood metal head, Rusty. Andrea, suspecting that Rusty might need some advice, calls her psychiatrist boyfriend, Leonard (Jonathan Penner). He shows up with some Chinese food and offers an open ear to Rusty should he need to talk about “anything”.
Leonard also meets a sickly Jacob, whose leg has grown much worse, along with his attitude. Despite Leonard’s protests, Andrea remains with the Family but the changes are becoming too much to ignore as Lisa begins dressing like a nasty little tease and Jacob’s leg has been getting worse. He’s also been obsessing over his current tract housing project.
Miss Wheeler is on the case though and she discovers the clock had, at one time, belonged to the infamous French serial killer and child molester, Gilles De Rais. Before she can get to Rusty though she meets an unfortunate end at the end of a giant birds beak. You’ll need to see it to believe it.
As the Sterling Family begin coming apart, Lisa lures a young man into her basement with promises of sweet sweet lovin’. Fear not though, Andy (Dean Cochran) gets sucked…right into a pile of gross gunk. The poor bugger begins dissolving under the watchful eye of Lisa.
As all of this is going on, Andrea decides to call for medical help as Jacob has been worsening; his leg a horrid, rotting mess. Jacob has only been playing possum though and he attempts to kill Andrea but gets konked in the bean with a phone for his troubles. Luckily, Leonard is just coming to visit so he sedates Jacob in hopes that the ambulance will show to escort Jacob to the looney bin. Of course, like any good victim, he decides to take a bath. After being attacked by a hallucination, they decide to leave.
While Leonard goes to get ready, Andre finds Jacob’s housing project and realizes the sinister influences involved. All of the model homes he’s planned out are identical to the original Amityville home. Not only that but one of the homes sports little graves marked for the Sterling Fam! Before she can warn Leonard, it’s too late.
As Jacob plays cat-and-mouse with Andrea, little loose Lisa lures her brother upstairs and tries to play his magic flute. Being too cool for incest, Rusty electrocutes his hottie sister and goes to help Andrea. The clock isn’t about to let that happen.
Gag! Man, this was a clunker. This sequel takes forever to get going and once it does the payoff isn’t nearly enough to warrant the time spent staring at a lifeless film. Sure, we get some nice side boob as well as some clumsy, no-rhythm havin’, on-the-top action but for some reason I found no delight. I couldn’t even muster up a smile when Lisa’s mirror reflection begins stroking her melons and petting the kitten. It was that bad, folks! I mean, the gore was great for the little amount we were given but this felt far too tame. No tension here at all.
I was also a bit put off by the “cursed” clock angle. This was really just a poor film connected with the Amityville series by the thinnest of threads. It was on par with a bad episode of Friday The 13th: The Series. Somebody remind me why I decided to review this damn franchise?