Sure, I went to see Vampires Suck to please my better half, after all it was her turn to pick a movie. It was either that or the Piranha’s 3-D, and I really can’t stand wearing the 3-D glasses, so the choice was made rather simple. In any case, this throw away movie, which is a parody of the Twilight Saga, is tailored made for only two types of movie goers – those who love Twilight, or those who despise it but who have had to sit through the Stephanie Meyer’s trilogy over the past two years. Unfortunately, the former will get a laugh out of it as much as the later. Being lost somewhere between these two camps, I will offer the following review with as little bias as possible.
Best Part of the Movie: Jenn Proske
If nothing else this rather uninspired movie was made watchable by the spot-on Kristen Stewart impression turned in by newcomer Jenn Proske. The 22 year old Proske easily nails down Stewart’s facial expression and awkward line delivery. If for some reason Kristen choose to bail out of any further Twilight movies, her Bella character could easily be replaced by Proske’s Becca.
Why the Movie Succeeds: Vampires are Hollywood Cash Cows
The relative success of this movie could be easily summed up by saying, “In this post Twilight world we live in, Vampires don’t really suck…they are just one of Hollywood’s latest cash cows.” That said it was only a matter of time before the parody genre caught up with Stephanie Meyer’s beloved characters. If nothing else, the script and the movie seem to have been hastily thrown together to get it to theaters between the releases of Eclipse and Breaking Dawn.
Why the Movie Fails: One Note Song
Other than Proske’s performance, the movie lacks humor and laughs are few and far between. Also, while most parody movies draw their material from more than one movie, Vampires Suck sticks far too close to the Twilight scripts. Sure, there is one misplaced bit based on Dear John, a brief reference to True Blood, and a few jokes at the expense of the Kardishian family and the gang from Jersey Shores, but other than that the movie is stuck on one note. Unfortunately that note is flat.
Unless you are looking for the ultimate Kristen Stewart impression, this movie is strictly a rental, unless of course your better half is a diehard Twilight fan.