I admit it. I can no longer live a lie. In the twilight of my life, I have come to understand certain things cannot be denied. For that reason, I feel compelled to shed the burden of my hidden despair by bringing to light the story of my long and torrid love affair with Tom Selleck.
I first met Tom in the 1970s, while I was having an affair with James Garner. Jimmy was filming an episode of “The Rockford Files” and introduced me to a little known actor who played a recurring character in the series. That actor was Tom Selleck. Tom took my hand, our eyes met, the world stood still, and the rest is history. Well, at least that’s how I remember it.
Tom rose to fame over the years. Our decision not to marry was a career sacrifice for Tom, on my behalf. He decided it was best that he project the image of an eligible bachelor, thus allowing those disgusting floosies throwing their scantily clad bodies at him to fantasize about being carrying off into the sunset. Their slobbering adulation was a necessary evil for any rising star. Of course I understood. He needed them. It was a decision that I would later come to regret, but we all sacrifice in the name of love. At least that’s the way I remember it.
Contrary to what most tabloids and biographies claim, Tom Selleck was not forced to turn down the role of Indiana Jones due to a timing conflict with his “Magnum P.I.” contract. He knew I would flat out refuse to move to Indiana, as I am allergic to mountains, and not wanting to give me up, he suggested the role to George Harrison. Er, no…actually he suggested it to Gerald Ford… or was it George Gerald. Oh, well, no matter. He did it for us. Tom insisted our love was more important to him than donning a silly hat and snapping a whip to the tune of several million dollars. At least that’s the way I remember it.
The eighties were ours. We were blissfully happy; he, gloriously riding the waves of his hit show, “Magnum P.I.” and I, keeping the home fires burning, waiting patiently for his inevitable return. Yes, it was a long distance affair, but we were always in clandestine communication. People still comment about Tom looking directly into the camera from time to time during the “Magnum P.I.” episodes. It was not something that was normally done. Well, those seemingly innocent glances were our own little answer to involuntary and endless separation. We called them our “secret, silent conversations while looking into the camera”. He wasn’t looking at his audience, as most believe. He was looking at me. At least that’s the way I remember it.
The love-making was superb, by the way. Tom was a ruggedly handsome cowboy scooping me up to ride off into the sunset, a baseball star with a knuckleball that would knock me over, or a swashbuckling private detective with a Ferrari and a sense of humor that would charm the pants off m…. let me re-phrase…a charming sense of humor. Granted, it was terribly difficult to believe he was actually there, but it was wonderful…whoever he was. Uh…at least that’s the way I remember it.
Even his marriage to Jillie Mack in 1987 hasn’t interfered with our destiny. I don’t believe she ever suspected our affair over the years, but it’s time for her to realize that she never has and never will have Tom Selleck’s heart and soul. We’re the soul mates, Jillie. Don’t punish us for wanting to spend our remaining years together in ecstasy. You have to walk away, Jillie. Step aside and allow us the happiness we so deserve. Truth be told, you’re getting a little long in the tooth to be arm candy much longer. It’s me he loves, and it’s my name he cries while he’s holding you. At least that’s the way I see it.
Okay, okay. So maybe I embellish a bit. Maybe I didn’t have an affair with Tom Selleck, or James Garner for that matter. And you can bet your bippy that if Tom Selleck had asked me to move to a toadstool off the coast of Somalia with him, I’d have been there, allergies and all. Maybe I’ve never met Tom Selleck, but I have had a somewhat one- sided “love affair” with him for years. (Hey, I might be old but I’m not dead.) Besides, I think he keeps that third or fourth home here in Maine because deep down in his heart Tom Selleck knows we’re destined to cross paths, on a rugged cliff walk during the fury of an ocean storm, on a deserted sandy beach glistening in the glory of a burning sunset, or maybe at a hootenanny at the local VFW. At least that’s the way I see it.
and my painfully overactive imagination