Twenty years before it’s time, the toaster became the new accessory to every kitchen across the globe. Oh, could you imagine, a semi-burnt piece of bread with just the press of a sliding switch! Hah, I remember Shirley telling me that this was nonsense. She said there was no way I would be able to brown a slice of bread and make it taste yummy still. Well, I proved her wrong! All it took was 10 weeks pay and a second mortgage on our home, but we had one. With just enough change left over to buy some butter, we were set to try out our new delectable treat.
Now, I have to admit, on my first try, I overdid it and set the dial to 9. My thoughts were, if I set it to 9, it would be done faster. Boy, was I wrong. Shirley’s gnarled growl sprung out of waiting instantly with an “I told you so”. I said, “Now Shirley, listen here, I will take out all of the lightbulbs in the kitchen if you dare say another word. Then see how you like to cook supper in the dark, and wash all those dishes, and take out the trash, and sweep and mop the floor three times a day. How would you like that Shirley?” Shirley didn’t have much to say, heh. Yep, times were easier back then. A woman knew that she was bred for the kitchen, and by gosh, that’s where they stayed put.
Well, now I went back to that toaster and gave it another shot. We simply couldn’t afford for this thing to not work. So, again I put my slice of bread in, crossing my fingers, and changed the dial to 6. This time it was going to be great for sure. I slid that handle down again, and glanced back at Shirley. Yeah, that snarl was gone now for sure. I was nervous, I have to admit, but dangit all this had to work. Everyone said the toaster would change life as we knew it! As the freshly toasted bread sprung up out of the miniature oven, I jumped back in fright. Whew! That thing kinda scared me at first. You just never knew when it would go off. Hah.
It was time to take a gander at that toast. That’s what they called it, toast. It made everything seem so much neater. It’s shortened down from toasted bread, you know. Well, guess what? That second slice wasn’t any better looking than the first. It’s was fourteen shades of brown and I just didn’t know what to do with something like that. “Aww, them birds are gonna eat good tonight”, I remember telling Shirley. As I said this, I could hear her clearing her throat, as if she were about to speak up. Well, I’ll have you know, she didn’t! Because when I turned around and glared at her, she remembered. Oh yeah, she’ll always remember.
“Ok”, I said to Shirley, “Let’s try this one more time”. I reached for another slice of bread, dropped it down inside this dangblasted contraption, only this time, I set the dial at 3. I wasn’t taking anymore chances with this thing. Them birds don’t need that much bread anyway. It makes them want to stay around my yard, pooping all over everything. Ugh, I can’t handle much of that. No sir.
It didn’t take long for this slice of bread to jump into action. Startled me half to death, I tell you. This time, though, the bread didn’t look so burnt up and wrong. This time, it looked golden and…what was that word…delectable. Oh this was going to be a treat, I thought to myself. As I looked over the newly created piece of toast, I noticed it hadn’t quite cooked the same all over. Some spots were still white and some were golden. Now how was that supposed to sit well with Shirley? I could tell she was looking for a reason to nag me about this, so I just slathered on the butter before she noticed.
Well, we tried that treat out, and boy was it good. We sure did love our slice of toast we had that day. Mmmhmmm. The night came to an end, and we had some quality time in the bedroom. She lay in her bed, and I in mine. I turned out my lamp early so she didn’t have to be bothered by it. I think she was happy for that. The next morning, I woke up and went in to have a bath. Shirley always drew my bath water. That’s how things were done back then. Yep, life was good. Things were right how they should be. Anyway, I stepped into the bath and sat down. As I was settling in, Shirley came barging in carrying that toaster. I said to her, “Now Shirley, what in the heck are you doing with that thing woman?”, and Shirley looked at me and said, “I figured you’d like to play with your new toy while you had a bath”. And the next thing I knew, I was sitting up here with you fellows, white robes and all. Darndest thing that toaster. Didn’t work right one way or another, and who knew it would be the death of me!