Scott toilet tissue without a tube will go on sale in the Northeast U.S. Monday, November 1, as a trial to see if consumers are willing to forgo the tube. According to USA Today, if enough of the shoppers up north buy the eco-friendly rolls of TP, the rest of us will get our chance to try it out too.
I predict tube-free toilet paper will take off like, well, toilet paper on a roll, except it won’t be on a roll. Sort of like the opposite of when David Letterman says, “I must be butter cause I’m on a roll.” Like that but different.
The crunchy granola heads (CGH) will embrace the nonexistent tube. They will cite statistics about how much landfill space will be saved from all the tubes that never see the light of day, freeing up room in said landfills for the gas-guzzling monster vehicles some of us dare to continue to drive. The factories that make toilet tissue tubes will save umpteen million gallons of (choose one) water, trees, glue, oil, power, brain cells by not making tubes. I predict the CGHs will outwardly love the tube-free TP but secretly pine for the rolls to add to the compost pile.
Other more traditional consumers who don’t give a lick about landfills will also buy the tubeless TP, at least once. To see what it’s all about. To try it out and show their kids what going tubeless is like. Or maybe the little darlings will convince mom and dad to buy it as a novelty purchase.
Travelers will buy the tubeless TP. Those visiting other countries will know they can now buy tubeless TP at the grocery store instead of having to track it down wherever they used to have buy it. Yes, tubeless TP has been around awhile because about 10 years back I traveled to China with a former “boyfriend” (let’s just call him Spineless, like the tubeless TP he packed knowing TP was a valued commodity in less-developed countries). He had these flattened rolls of toilet paper that looked like nothing more than mistakes neatly packed in with his socks and boxers. I think he let me “borrow” one to keep in my backpack, though he never asked for it back. Yes, he might have ended up being spineless, but he wasn’t completely stupid.
So, what do you think tubeless TP means for mankind as we know it? What’s next? Tubeless paper towels? Tissues without a box? Free-range napkins? Time will tell.