I’m an introvert by nature. Since I’m quiet and I try to keep to myself, I have plenty of time to observe the people around me, take note of the annoying habits, traits, and behaviors they engage in, and comment on them in my own cynical manner as a way to maintain my sanity in a messed up world. The following is a list of people that I encounter in every day life that annoy me:
People who have a last name made up of two first names – Steve Markwalter. Don’t be stingy. Why should you have three first names?
People who sneeze loud enough to set off car alarms or knock computers offline
People who use dots instead of dashes when writing phone numbers – 800.666.5555 – When did three or four numbers together become a sentence?
People that use the phrase “at the end of the day” when trying to wrap up their point or win an argument – “Well, Wolf we know their public stance on this issue, but at the end of the day, many congressmen really only want to be re-elected.”
People that brush their teeth vigorously in public restrooms, so vigorously that it looks as if they are trying to correct a gasoline siphoning mishap
People that use out of date slang “What’s up Homey?” “Who’s your daddy?” “Nice bling.” You know what I mean, they use slang that is so yesterday.
People who say they will “shoot me an e-mail.” Firearms should not be inolved in the communication process, unless you are stranded on an island and you are signaling for rescue.
Adults who pronounce “striped” as “stripe-ed” and “naked” as “neckid”
Doctors who use slang for body parts – “Drop your pants Mr. Peterson. I’m going to administer this shot in your booty.”
People who sing Happy Birthday like they are at a Broadway musical audition
Adults who wear Santa hats
People who dial their phones or check their voicemail while on speaker phone
People who call me Chief – I’m not wearing a head dress or working with a Dalmation.
People that give me unsolicited back rubs
People who make sound effects in a work environment for no apparent reason
People who feel the need to announce their bowel movements – “Gotta go make a deposit.” “I’ll be down the hall losing a few pounds.” “Gotta go send a package special delivery.”
Adults who stick their tongue out of their mouth for concentration when writing
Guys who are so hairy you cannot tell if they are wearing a sweater from a distance – It goes without saying that this applies to females too.
People that use numbers in place of letters – “4get about it,” “L8ter,” “Me2”
Anyone who wears a jacket or sweater indoors all year around
People who open their car door at a traffic light just to spit on the ground
People who sign their pets’ names on greeting cards
People who drive while holding their pets in their lap or in their free hand
Blue tooth phone users – Is anybody so busy they can’t spare one of their hands when a call comes in? Or is that the hand holding the pet?
People who dress up as the characters in a movie for a movie premier
People who think they have immunity from a parking ticket or from being towed if they turn on their hazard lights when parking in a no parking zone. Is this the adult equivilent of time out or base?
People other than Jesus that want to talk to me about Jesus
People that audibly clip their nails in public, especially at work
People who when mentioning an amount in billions feel obligated to say “That’s a billion with a “b.”
People with a belly/gut that wear clothing that exposes their midriff intentionally or not. Do these people own a full length mirror?
People who think I should be as fascinated with what they have to say as they are saying it.
People who wear theme sweaters that coincide with the season ( pumpkin design on Halloween, Christmas trees/snowman pattern for Christmas, cartoon rodent design for Ground Hog Day, sweaty shirtless dude design for Labor Day)
Adults who think it is publicly acceptable to play air guitar when they hear a song they really like
Guys who think hanging a Playboy bunny logo air freshener from their car rear view mirror will make them a hit with the ladies. Just out of curiosity, what scent do they use for that?
People who put Christmas wreaths on their car grills for the holiday season
People that add a “Mr.” before my first name whenever they say it, “Mr. Bob, how are you today?”
People who feel like they have to comment on what I am eating in public in the loudest possible voice, so me and my lunch become the center of attention, “Mr. Bob, SOMETHING SMELLS GOOD! WHAT ARE YOU HAVING? IS THAT MAC AND CHEESE?)
People who walk down moving escalators instead of just riding? That’s like swimming down a water slide. It’s just not necessary.