So many couples nowadays seem surprised when they wake up one day and realize they’ve grown apart. Growing apart though doesn’t just happen overnight. It takes years of non-attention to a marriage and to the person you’re married to before you grow apart to such an extent you’re more like strangers. If you’re married and feel like you’ve grown apart from the person you’re married to, here are some of the possible reasons why.
You Don’t Communicate – Good communication is key to any successful marriage. If you don’t communicate correctly and don’t say how you feel, you’ll create resentment in yourself and in your partner, causing problems in your marriage. Spending all your life working and worrying about everything except your marriage, will create a marriage in name only, with hardly any connection to the person you’re married to. If you’re coming home from work and your husband or wife is on their way out and you don’t know where, you’re not communicating and your marriage is in trouble.
Start to talk, find out what your spouse is doing, what’s going on in their lives, what’s important to them. If you don’t, you’ll continue to grow apart and communicate less and less. A recipe for disaster indeed.
There’s No Compromise – A successful marriage is all about compromise. Sometimes you have to compromise, sometimes your partner must. That’s just basic common sense in any relationship but particularly in marriage. If you find yourself in a marriage where either you or your partner is doing all the compromising, that’s not a healthy marriage. With no compromising, you’ve already grown apart and will continue to do so until your marriage collapses completely.
The next time you and your partner have different ideas about something, make sure the one who doesn’t normally compromise does. Compromise is the only way to a healthy marriage and without it, you might as well not bother.
You Don’t Pay Attention To Your Spouse – Human beings need love and attention. They need to come home every day to someone who cares about them enough to ask about their day, find out if they have any problems, and help them work on fixing them. When your spouse comes home and wants to tell you about their day but making dinner is more important than listening, you’re in trouble.
Set aside some time every day to talk about the little things. Who had a problem at work? Is little Molly having difficulties in school? Where should you go on your vacation? Do you want to see that new movie this weekend? Pay attention to your spouse and what they have to say, even if it’s silly little stuff, and you’ll soon find yourself growing closer and feeling far less apart.
There’s Little Love and Affection – You come home every night and you’re too tired to give your wife a back rub or your husband a foot massage. You’ve had problems at work and sitting down cuddling on the couch is the last thing you feel like doing. You job has become so stressful, your sex drive disappeared months ago and it’s likely it’s never coming back.
If you’re in a marriage like this, where a little love and affection and, yes, sex, is something you vaguely remember happening in 1982, your marriage is in big trouble. To have a successful marriage, you can’t avoid all the little tender touches, the back rubs, the hugs, the quick kisses, the telling your wife that new dress is cute or your husband that he looks handsome in that tie. If you’re not doing any of these things, then why are you married? Really.
Start giving your spouse a little bit more affection. It doesn’t take any longer to give someone a quick kiss than it does to vaguely wave at them as they walk out of the door in the morning. Make sure you spend some time every day letting your spouse know how much you love them and growing apart will soon be a thing of the past.