I’ve cleared my slate for tonight to listen to my president. He’s going to tell me how he ended the war in Iraq, thank the military, and maybe if I’m lucky he’ll tell me what his secret plan is for the economy. Don’t expect me to be reading or commenting during this speech. I’ll be counting the “I”s and I get confused easily. I’m also hoping I won’t have to lob any peanuts, because I’m running low after watching Sharpton make a fool of himself again last night.
It’s time to get the flu shot again. Did you ever wonder if we’re really getting a “flu” shot? I mean I’m no conspiracy theorist but think about it. What better way to control the masses than to slip a little “Rohypnol like” drug into the shot that would last for a year or so. Maybe it’s not such a bad idea. We’re getting raped, robbed, and molested anyway, and I’d like to forget about it.
Lindsay Lohan wants my respect. So says a Vanity Fair article. It seems 14 days in jail and 23 days of rehab have given her a new perspective on life. She wants her career back. She admits to “dabbling in certain things”. People were pulling from her, taking and not giving, she says. Sorry, girlie. Didn’t Paris tell you that respect must be earned?
Apparently the border issue is fixed. Washington sent some troops and a couple of drones (no pun intended) to beef up security. So I expect the next vacation the president and first family takes will be along the Arizona/Mexico border where all those warning signs are?
Did you know we’re being attacked? Yes, you and I are being targeted by scary restaurant foods.
Below is a terrorizing excerpt from a scary food article.
“It’s happening between America’s restaurants-every one of them, it seems, is eager to show it has the biggest, scariest, most destructive new food in the marketplace. And the unsuspecting victims of this Strangelovian contest? You and me.”
Yikes! Scariest, most destructive foods? As if I don’t have enough to worry about, with Hurricane Earl and all. Now I have to suit up against that scary 12000 calorie hamburger smothered in cheese and grease that’s trying to pry my mouth open and shove itself down my throat! And while I’m thinking about it, the pizza with a pound of cheese covertly stuffed in the crust must have attacked me the other night. It wrapped itself around my head so viciously, I had no option but to eat my way out of it’s strangle hold.
Head & Shoulders has insured football star Troy Polamalu’s hair for $1,000,000, through Lloyd’s of London. Who’s the idiot here? Head and Shoulders, Lloyd’s of London, or Polamalu for his stupid looking hair? Wait. I am the idiot, for even mentioning this.
Fox News Channel