The San Francisco Board of Supervisors recently banned McDonalds from giving away toys with their happy meals. Sure some people can say it is stupid and ineffective. Banning toys won’t stop obesity, It is like banning swivel sticks to stop alcoholism.
But I disagree! It does my heart good to see the Board of Supervisors take such an active role in our kid’s health. But I don’t think they went far enough.
They missed the Big Daddy of them all. The poster boy for obesity, the one man who corrupts the very morals of our American youth. And this man gives away more toys in one night, than McDonald’s does all year.
This is a man who spies on little children, even has a list detailing the activities of these kids.
Yes, we are talking about Santa Claus, that fat tub of lard, who is a walking example of eating one candy cane too many, the very man who is so fat, he gave Rudolph a hernia. If he didn’t already have a job, Santa Claus would be a natural for The Biggest Loser show.
Want to sit in Santa’s lap ? Heck he is so fat that he probably has two or three of them. This guy is so fat they have to reinforce that chair he sits in at the shopping mall. His belly shakes like a “bowl full of jelly”
Hello? And if you haven’t noticed- he smokes. Seems like he always is smoking a pipe, a walking advertisement for the tobacco industry.
And McDonalds is actually teaching kids the value of a dollar. They don’t give away happy meals, you have to buy the meal. Perhaps that is why McDonalds made over a billion dollar profit last year. But what values does Santa Claus teach kids? He gives away the damn toys. The kids don’t have to save money, they don’t need to learn the value of a dollar. Just be nice and some fat guy will show up once a year, give you a ton of toys, no strings attached and then come back and do the same thing the next year!
Here’s two other disturbing lessons Santa teaches our kids.
First it is okay to have a fat guy watching you, making a list if you have been naughty or nice – in short violating every privacy law ever passed .
Second, we tell our kids not to take candy from strangers and I dare you to find anyone stranger than a fat man who dresses in a red suit, gives candy to kids and encourages them to sit on his lap.
And here, just to ruin your Christmas, is a disturbing thought – imagine Santa in spandex.
All I can say is that the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, if they really want to be in the business of protecting our children and telling them what to eat, needs to put a bounty on the fat guy’s head, have someone take him out and we have eliminated another evil influence from our children’s lives.
And why stop at banning Happy Meals. When do people eat the most? Thanksgiving. They should get to work banning Thanksgiving asap. And when do people drink the most? New Year’s Eve. Again another prime target for the Board of Supervisors to go after and ban. All I have to say is that if we are in the business of controlling people’s lives,let’s do it right!!
Hmm, maybe I will run for the Board of Supervisors.