She looked at the calendar on the wall. The mourning period was over. He husband had been dead for a year and it was time for her to make a life without him.
She opened the bedroom closet and touched his blue bathrobe. It hung on the nail on the door as he had left it.
She snuggled on the sleeve of the velveteen shirt hanging in the closet. She recalled the day she bought it for him. It had been a Christmas present. It was red, his favorite color, and he wore it each Christmas eve as it matched his Santa hat.
She lovingly removed them from the closet and held them each close to her cheek one last time. Then she dropped them into the box marked–For The Salvation Army.
She sat down on the side of the bed and wept. The tears poured out of her eyes like torrential rain. Suddenly she sat up, blew her nose and dried her eyes. The senior’s mourning period had ended. It was her time to create a new life without him.
Seniors who lose their mates feel pain and mourn unlike for others. Not only have they lost their lover and companion but they also lost their best friend.
After the period of mourning the time for to start a new life begins. It is not easy but the past has to be behind her in order to continue to live.
The salvation truck had just left, she looked at his empty closet. She sighed and began re-arranging the closet. She had more space for her clothes. The closet seemed larger.
There are ways to cope with the death of a loved one, especially a husband. Keep in mind that life goes on the same. There are others who need your love, your wisdom and guidance. You have a life ahead of you, grandchildren to help raise and a time for you to do all that you always wanted to do but never had the time.
She picked up a stray shoe-it had fallen under the bed. She tossed it in the trash, took one more look around, and walked out of the room and out of the front door. She sighed, got into her car and drove away to begin a new life alone.
1. Make sure that you say your good byes before he dies. Regrets can linger forever.
2. Bury him in the clothes that he once told you he wanted to be buried in, if this was the case.
3. Keep his closet as it was before prior to his death. Memories help relieve the finality of his death. You will need something to hold while you grieve. Do not hold in the tears. Cry when you feel like it. Tears help to cleanse the soul and will stop when you begin to heal. Trust me it will. I have gone through this process twice and I know the feeling well.
4. Visit the cemetery where he was buried as often as you need to. Bring flowers and place them on the headstone or directly on his grave. Talk to him as if he were there with you. Do not feel foolish, everyone who loses a loved one does the same. It releases the pain and is healing.
5. Do not keep feelings locked inside. If you hate him for dying, scream or yell. No one in a cemetery can hear. It will helps you to heal.
6. When you leave, place flowers on the ground and a small stone or rock on top of the headstone as a symbol that you have been there. Turn, wipe away the tears, blow your nose, get into your car and head for home. Your visitation just ended.
Repeat this procedure as often as needed. It is part of the grieving process. I know this because I have buried two husbands’ in my lifetime. I used to shed tears while driving to work. I used to scream in the car. No one was there to hear me. I yelled, “why did you have to die” repeatedly. It helped.
Those who have never buried a loved one, particularly their spouse, do not know what you feel. No way! Unless they walked in your shoes, cannot know the pain felt when a mate dies. It is impossible.There is no other feeling like it.
Seniors who bury a spouse might need a full year to heal. Some heal faster, and remarry sooner. It all depends on the marriage and the situation. Seniors begin life anew after mourning.
My own personal life experiences