After much nagging, you finally gave in and joined the world of Facebook. You’ve found it a great place to stay connected with family, reunite with old college buddies, and keep in touch with high school friends. But, then, one day you’re surprised with a Facebook friend request from your ex. You haven’t seen him or her in nine years, and really aren’t sure what to think. Is it harmless to add your ex on Facebook?
Or, perhaps, you’ve been an active Facebook user since you were seventeen. Your high school sweetheart, however, was not. After a roller coaster relationship, you finally said buh-bye and left for college about 400 miles away. And then, he finally decides to get an account and requests to be your Facebook friend. Should you add him or just ignore the Facebook request?
Are you trying to decide if you should add an ex on Facebook? Are you considering ignoring a friend request from your ex? If so, you’re not alone. In fact, some of the top searches on Yahoo are “should I friend my ex on Facebook”, “facebook ex boyfriend”, and “should I add my ex on Facebook”. There are lots of Facebook users that have been in your situation.
There are many factors to consider on whether you should add an ex on Facebook. The first thing to consider is, if you really want to add him or not. If you don’t, then by all means, don’t. You can simply ignore the request, or send him/her an amicable message saying thank-you for the request but you feel it’s best not to be reconnected.
Some people might feel they must add him or her because they are now a Christian and feel it would be the most “Christ-like” thing to do. However, you can still handle this in a Christian manner without befriending him or her. You can send your ex a message politely saying that you will deny the request because you don’t think its right for personal reasons. You might add, “I do care about you, I just don’t feel being your Facebook friend is a good choice. However, I want to share with you that I have since become a Christian. If you would like to know more about Christ, I would be happy to connect you with a church in your area.” You can add some of your testimony, if you wish. You might also add a link to a website. But, do not add him/her if you do not want to. You might even block him/her after sending the message, if you feel it is necessary. For more on this issue, read “Is it Wrong for Christians to Ignore Facebook Friend Requests?”
Let’s say you are curious about your ex and do want to add him or her. The next thing to consider is if you are married or not. If you are married, you should definitely ask your spouse. If your spouse says no, then honor his/her wishes and don’t add him or her. You can send a short note saying something like, “Thank-you for your Facebook friend request. However, my spouse and I don’t think it’s the best choice to be reconnected with exes. Thank-you for understanding.” Or, you can simply ignore the friend request and not send him or her a message. Feel free to block him/her if you feel it is necessary.
If your spouse is fine with it, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s okay to accept the friend request. If you think there is even a tiny risk that this could harm your marriage, then it’s probably best to not add the person. If you do, be sure to allow your spouse complete access to your Facebook page.
If you are single, it is really up to you. It is your choice if you want to add this reconnect with this person. However, if you know that the two of you would never reconcile and continue a relationship, and if you still have feelings for him//her, you might think carefully about this decision. It could just lead to you being hurt when you learn he/she is dating someone new, gets married, etc. It could also revive feelings of anger and frustration from the relationship.
Of course, there are many singles that continue to be great friends with exes off. Perhaps you might fall into that category. But, the decision to add your ex is entirely up to you.
If you are the one who wants to send a Facebook friend request, it is probably not best to if he/she is dating someone or married. And, even if he/she is single, remember he has every right to ignore your friend request.
These are just a few thoughts to consider before you add an ex for Facebook. Facebook has literally changed lives. Many times for the better, but also for the worse.
Want to read more about Facebook? Read “Are You a Facebook Snob?” and “5 Ways Facebook is a Lot Like Preschool.” Happy Facebooking!