Should you ever go back to an old relationship? Some say never. But are ‘some’ always right?
Bumping into an old flame can be really great, especially if you didn’t part with any bad feeling. It can be brilliant to catch up and chat about each others lives, but what happens when old feelings start to flood back again? No matter if you are now with someone else, or your ex is, if there was no closure on the relationship, will you always wonder ‘what if’?
You may start to wonder why you broke up in the first place. If the break up was mutual, and things just fizzled out, would a 2nd chance really be any different?
What if the break up didn’t just fizzle out, what if neither of you wanted the break up but just could not see any other way around it? That’s really when the ‘what if’s’ start to haunt you.
Depending on when the break up was, will clue you in on a few things. If the break up was recent, lets say in the last 6-8 months, then you may still be dealing with getting over the heart break and not really be looking at the bigger picture. But if the relationship was not so recent – possibly in the last 5-10 years, then is it time to re think?
Should you bring this up with your old flame or lay it to rest? The ideal situation would be if neither of you were with anyone, talk it through, come to a conclusion and put it into practice.
But life is not as simple as that is it?
The Meet Up
When you bumped into each other, if it was like two very old friends catching up, then this could mean different things. You will always have a connection with that person, but is it one that really should be left behind? If said ex was at ease and looked glad to see you, then it could mean that your ex has gotten over you. But off course it could mean that said ex feels very comfortable around you. The trick is to let your ex initiate the 2nd catch up. If your ex does initiate, this could be that your ex also wants closure, or wants to see where things can go.
The New You
If your ex now has a new you, it would be a wise idea to back off immediately, but life doesn’t always work like that. Just because he was yours first – It doesn’t mean that he is yours always (as much as we always think that we have a claim over an ex – we don’t).
How did you start talking again? Was it just at the first initial bump into each other, or has this been going on for some time, occasionally chatting on the phone, net, etc? If it’s your ex that’s with someone and you are not, you may be feeling some jealously or resentment that said ex has moved on and gotten on with their life.
Think hard before getting into something that you may not actually want.
Once you have figured out if you are on the same path or not, it’s time to really look at the options. Before putting any plan into action, always bear in mind that you could have misjudged the situation. Did you imagine you’re ex trying to find ways to touch your arm?
Did you imagine that glance in your direction?
Really figure out what it is you want before setting out on this road of no return.
If you have not been able to contain yourself and have instigated the talk, try to steer clear of indulging in alcohol (why is it I never seem to take my own advice?). Alcohol will change your out look and does not put things in the most clued up light (welcome the leathered loony!). Alcohol will make things seem very much different than they actually are; however some of us need the dutch courage to get through a potentially difficult situation like this.
So you have talked and talked and where has it got you (hopefully not straight back into bed just yet)? If the answer is you are still in the same place that you were, then something needs to give. The talk will end up in one of two ways. You put this lost love to rest – you get your closure that you so desperately need (even though you may not know that that’s all you need), or…. – Or what?
Depending on the situation, you could give this another go. Or you may need to sit down for 2/3 more talks – things will not become rosy over night.
After your fist initial chat – write you’re ex an email that you will never send. Put exactly how you feel in words, save it to draft and read it another time. NEVER send this email. The point is to get what’s in your head out in words. Words that you may never be able to let your ex hear or read, but it certainly helps you figure out if it was just a rush of emotion after seeing your ex again, or if it is something that really should be looked at a little deeper.
After writing you’re ‘never to be sent email’, leave it a day or two before reading it to yourself. If you look back and think ‘what was I on?’ then chances are that what you were feeling when you bumped into your ex was probably just that rush of emotion (oh dear lord let it be that). Now you can lay this to rest. Yes it was great seeing your old flame again and it will be great to see him once again – but for now, you need to get closure on this relationship and make your peace with the fact that it just wasn’t meant to be.
However – if after re reading that email you look back and think – YES YES YES, He will be mine – O Yes, he will be mine – then ‘Houston, we have a problem’! Well it is only a problem if your ex is either not interested in jumping back in or is with someone else. Once again – let me point out, if said ex if with someone new, I would strongly urge you to back off and move on. Ok, I have made my point on that one, but do look at the situation closely before declaring your undying love.
You now need to move forward if it is something that you both wish to get back into (as is he wouldn’t want you back in his life again). Whatever happened the last time round will come up in conversation. This is not something that can be avoided, and it will probably be talked about many times again. When you can eventually put the old break up behind you, then you’re good to go.
So you see it’s never as simple as just ‘should I get back together with an Ex?’ There are all sorts of feelings, new relationships, etc on both sides that need to be taken into consideration first before jumping back in.
Was the heart ache last time round worth bringing back again this time round?
Letting go of certain people isn’t saying I hate you…It’s saying I love me more.
Louise Bell – ‘Should you ever go back to an old relationship’ Associated Content