Chris: Of all the items on the NBA’s offseason agenda, morphing into the town of Peaksville from “The Twilight Zone” episode “It’s a Good Life” seems to have ranked second only to liquidating the Cleveland Cavaliers. On the bright side, any charity that receives donations from players who are issued technical fouls will assuredly receive record profits this season.
Joe: Officiating in the NBA is akin to watching a bunch of preschoolers. Except, these preschoolers are millionaires. Grow up, players! Your job is to play basketball, not gesture, frown or speak the foul language for which you’re known. I think we should take an English lesson-use the same word in a sentence as both an adjective and a noun. Answer: Foul language is a foul!
Brad: I think the idea in general is a really great idea, but I think it will take a long time for the players to adjust. NBA players have become so pampered it will take a swift, strong hammer to get them into shape.
Chris: Until Rasheed Wallace retired, I was excited about the possibility of seeing him play an entire game wearing duct tape over his mouth. However, I can understand the players union threatening legal action, since officials now have the ability to issue technicals if players exhibit disagreeable body language. This is why Droopy Dog remains a free agent.
Ralphie: I do think it is a noticeable crack down definitely. I don’t like this threatening legal action. Maybe the refs are coming down on them extra but they are still doing the stuff that they are getting called on.
Brad: Ralphie will finally be able to watch the NBA because it will be G-rated now.
Joe: When I played basketball as a kid, you might express frustration over a call, but you accepted it and moved on, or as President Obama might say, “use it as a teachable moment.” Our coaches were also our teachers, and I never had a coach who didn’t use an infraction as a “teachable moment.” That is how a player becomes better and smarter. Oops, NBA players didn’t finish school anyway. How smart can they be?
Brad: The players should be able to talk to officials, but anytime they become overly aggressive, it’s too much. This will always be a gray area, and every official will be different depending on game situation and what the flow of the game has been like.
Ralphie: If they play less aggressively because of this then I guess they don’t really want to play. I think the more fouls that are called the worse the behavior is going to get though.
Chris: Bennett Salvatore and Joe Crawford now have the authority to read minds, know every thought and feel every emotion. And if NBA players don’t think happy thoughts, officials can now wish players into a cornfield. However, Michael Myers, Ben Stein and Jaws have all been offered guaranteed NBA contracts, due to their highly-successful ability to not display their emotions.
Joe: More fouls, less fouls, it’s all a very technical subject. Passionate, less passionate, it’s all about the players’ egos. So, I am going to call a foul on myself every time I leave the TV channel on a pro basketball game for more than three seconds. I think that I will call it a lane violation-you know, staying in the same place too long.
Brad: I don’t think it will affect the way the players play; because it is such a performance-driven league, players will have to remain aggressive. The relationship between the officials and players will be a lot like Joe and Chris. A lot of whining from the younger half and punishment from the older one.
Joe: Hey Brad, remember the old bulls and the young bulls parable? Older, smarter, better!
Chris: There is now a substantial chance we’ll all get fined by the NBA for criticizing the officials. Due to a lack of sufficient funds, I’ll go ahead and retract all of my previous statements. It’s good that David Stern controls people’s thoughts.
Ralphie: This is why they have a union right? I wish I had a union to fight for me when I get homework.