Many couples lose that romantic edge that they once shared before the kids. We love our little ones but you must admit, if you let them, they will suck the life right of even the best marriage.
You get absorbed in the lives of the kids and lose your identity as the magnetic duo that was once the envy of all your friends.
Let’s look at couple of scenarios to drive the point home.
You’ve been married for 5 years. He works and you’re a full-time stay at home mom. You have two kids; Susie is 2 years-old and Johnnie is 4 years-old.
He gets home from work and all he wants to do is hide in his “man cave” and disappear in the latest sporting event. He gave the cursory greeting and maybe a quick peck hello. Looked for something to eat and disappeared in his solitude. There was an attempt to tell you about his day, but he couldn’t be heard above the juvenile chaos.
What’s so sad is… you didn’t even notice. Little Susie just dropped juice in the floor and Little Johnnie just ran inside with a scraped knee. You cooked (yesterday’s leftovers) and hoped it would suffice. You’re exhausted. Between running errands, doing household chores, and entertaining the kids, you don’t have time for you. Let alone entertaining “small talk”; so you call it.
You have on a big t-shirt, baggy pants, and flip-flops. Hair pulled back in a scrunchie. You just don’t have time to put in the extra effort. Even though you cleaned-up the house is still in disarray. You’re just waiting for the kids to go to bed so you can crash on the couch. And start all over in the morning.
You’ve been married for ten years. He works and you’re a full-time stay home mom. The kids are now in school during the day and home by 3:30pm. Alternating after school activities twice a week and play dates with friends are scheduled for the weekends.
He gets home from work and makes small talk. He’s thinking about telling you he wants to change jobs but feels unsure in approaching the idea because you never talked about him ever changing careers. He’s doesn’t know how you feel.
You want to talk about your day and what’s going on with the kids but he’s not receptive. He doesn’t seem willing to talk. You have on a nice dress and got your hair layered today. He didn’t say a word. You don’t know how he feels.
He wants to say something about the dress and your hair, but isn’t sure if the dress is new and what’s quite different about your hair. He just wants to talk like you used to. The kids are getting ready for bed; he tucks them in and goes to watch television. Not really watching but thinking of his discontentment.
You change your dress and brush your hair. All the while thinking, what happened to the couple that was so in love and hopeful they could conquer whatever came their way? But you can’t get pass a simple need to talk.
What Can You Do?
If you can see your marriage in either of these scenarios your marriage need serious and immediate damage control. It’s nobody’s fault; but both of you are drowning in your own needs.
Whether you’re five years into the marriage or ten years or even twenty years and the kids are in college or married themselves, there are steps you can take to begin to heal the gulf that has grown between the two of you. It’s easier to see the error of our ways when it’s laid out in simple scenarios; but it’s much harder to notice when you’re entrenched in the day to day frenzy.
-Take a moment to see your relationship through your spouse’s eyes.
-Balance your lives to always include communication and intimacy.
-Put the other person first. Yes, in spite of the kids.
-Let nothing steal your time away from your spouse.
-Date like you used to.
-Talk every day about anything.
-Talk about the hot topics.
-Learn to laugh.
You got married to have a great marriage. Nobody gets married with the intentions to fail. But it’s going to take work and sacrifice; and it’s up to you to get it done.
Wouldn’t you love to put some of the stuff you’re doing aside and replace it with essential marriage techniques that can bring you long lasting fulfillment and marital bliss? Of course you do and now you have an excuse to do so.
God Bless Your Marriage.