I can’t help but be compelled to explore the life and love of Helena Christensen (for a more practical story of her life, click here). For those of you who personally know me, you might know that I’m not into boring beauty, typical beauty, and beauty that graces the fronts of magazines, struts across television screens, or hurls itself into the unwilling faces of the masses.
And suddenly, I’m enamored with Helena Christensen. She has great cheekbones (see for yourself here). I noticed that, and I’m not gay. But cheekbones are not enough to validate someone as having a beauty that bestows the graces of John Keats or T.S. Eliot. Cheekbones are, well, bones sitting above the cheeks, and that’s about it.
Helena Christensen is slightly more than that. And that’s why I dig her. Helena likes cheese. I rarely eat cheese and prefer to eat tofu cheese, but her obsession with cheese is what strikes me as ‘fancy’. Its her mustard seed of ‘crazy’, of ‘obsession’ that makes me think she is slightly unhinged.
According to Wikipedia (every high schooler and undergraduate college student’s favorite website for information to write essays), Helena Christensen “has claimed on several occasions to be a cheese addict” (see Helen Christensen on Wikipedia).
“There’ve been times when I’ve bought a whole pound of cheese and walked down the street and eaten it in one go. I think it’s incredibly sensual.” She means, perhaps, that the taste of cheese somehow combines with the texture of cheese, which somehow combines with the rest of the senses.
Christensen is talking about an overall effect. She may be alluding to an orgasm. You know, that human biological overload that is responsible for so many ugly things. That moment where people lose control.
Christensen, still according to Wikipedia, loudly declares: “Whenever my head is like a maze [maybe she means her thoughts are convoluted, tortuous, but I don’t think she means her head resembles a maze, just to clarify], I turn to the easy things in life, the things that mean the most to me: Sex and cheese. These things are connected. Truth be told, I love all cheese: French cheese, Italian cheese, even British cheese, but Danish cheese is the greatest. I get my best nightmares after I eat Danish cheese. Actually I’ve seriously thought about getting a cheese tattoo. A nice Edam on my shoulder, maybe.”
Good. Lord. That’s a lot. Of. Information. I can tell you this: Helena Christensen is slightly unhinged, and I love her for that. Let’s break down her cheese and sex statement. And don’t forget about those cheekbones. (readNutmeg, the Viagra for Women: A Fitting Look at Sex & Spice on Thanksgiving Day) and
(readSex Doesn’t Manufacture Love, an Angel Says, so Sex Should No Longer Be Called Love-Making)
Sex and cheese come easy to Christensen. Both of those things are connected. I might add that all things are interconnected. But what does she mean? A cow and bull have sex, have baby cows, and those cows produce milk, which is made into cheese? Or does Helena sneak out from beneath the covers during a midnight romp to take a huge bite of cheese, while her lover covers her body with cheese-flavored kisses? Is there something I don’t understand about cheese? Or about sex?
What else. Christensen loves many kinds of cheese. She obviously knows her cheese, and that qualifies as a deep interest. Which means she’s living in a dream, and fighting for something greater, and that qualifies her as being ‘slightly unhinged’ (to find out who else I consider slightly unhinged, navigate to the end of this article for a list).
What’s even more intriguing to me as a writer and lover of life is that Danish cheese gives Helena Christensen nightmares. !!! This is something with which a man could fall in love. Helena; high cheekbones; Danish cheese; sex; and nightmares. And add to that, a cheese tattoo.
This supermodel is beyond being a source of eye-pleasure for males. She’s intriguing, she’s a character, she’s interesting, and she’s special.
Helena Christensen, you’ve been officially added to my (Adam Michael Luebke’s) cache of ‘slightly unhinged’ peoples. You’re welcome. And keep being intriguing!
Slightly Unhinged Peoples (so far):
Gonzo Journalist, Hunter S. Thompson, Slightly Unhinged (read here)
Matthew Herbert; Slightly Unhinged Musician (read here)
Alex Jones, Radio Host, Slightly Unhinged (read here)
One Method to Higher Living (a look at Steve Ballmer, Microsoft CEO) [read here]