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The Funniest Quotes from Due Date

by bogbit

Due Date, starring Robert Downey Jr. and Zach Galifianakis is a hysterically funny new comedy directed by Todd Phillips (The Hangover). Peter Highman (Robert Downey Jr.) has just five days to get home to wife SarahHighman (Michelle Monaghan) for the birth of their first born. After getting his luggage and wallet stolen, Peter has no choice but to hitch a ride home with aspiring actor EthanTremblay (Zach Galifianakis). The long cross country drive from Atlanta to Los Angeles is filled with chaos, agony and of course loads of laughter! A hliarious new road trip comedy with 100 minutes of side-splitting entertainment.

The Funniest Quotes from Due Date

Ethan: “I think we switched our bags at the curb.”

Peter: “I know we did. Yours was confiscated, it had paraphernalia in it. A marijuana pipe.”
Ethan: “Well that’s a medical apparatus. I have glaucoma.”

Peter: “Why are your father’s ashes in a coffee can?”
Ethan: “Because he’s dead Peter.”

Ethan: “We weren’t drinking. Well we split a 6-pack… of 40’s.”

Peter: “That was Shakespeare, heard of him?”
Ethan: “Yes I’ve heard of him, he’s a famous Pirate. By the way, it’s Shakes Beard.”

Ethan: “You know when those people say, I can sleep through an earthquake? Well I have actually slept through an earthquake. I also slept through a job interview at Bank Of America.”

Ethan: “You better check yourself before you wreck yourself.”

Peter: “I’m sorry we drank your father.”

Ethan: “Holy moly, it’s like I’m traveling with a child.”
Peter: “Did you use the restroom?”
Ethan: “Good point, I need to take a pee pee.”

Peter: “How have you made it this far? How have you not run yourself over in a car?”
Ethan: “I’ve done that.”

Ethan: “Let me talk to her. (hands phone over) Do you have a hairdresser out west? I just got this perm and it needs major upkeep.”

Peter: “If I miss the birth of my child, I’m going to choke you with my own scarf.”
Ethan: “Seems a bit drastic.”

Sarah: “Who are you?”
Ethan: “My name is Ethan Tremblay. I’m your husband’s best friend.”
Sarah: “It’s nice to meet you.”
Ethan: “It’s nice to meet you too. Now let’s get that baby out of your vagina.”

Peter: “When did you talk to Sarah?”
Ethan: “Right after I cut the umbilical cord.”
Peter: “You cut it?”
Ethan: “The tether of life from mother to child. I got to cut that.”

Sarah: “Oh come on, you love him. You know you love him”
Peter: “I survived him. There’s a difference.”

Peter: “I despise who you are on a cellular level.”
Ethan: “Okay, I’ve heard that before and I’m trying to work on it.”

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