The man of your dreams does exist — but only in your dreams. Men in the waking world are unfaithful, smelly, stupid and fall short of the ideal in lots of ways. And men will find that real women are also unfaithful, smelly, stupid and have quite a lot of other problems. But heterosexual men tend to have lower expectations for real women than women or gay men do for men.
If you are ready to compromise your qualifications of a partner, then you might be able to find one that you just about tolerate without strangling. Otherwise, be happy with the men who visit you in your dreams. Unless, of course, you have nightmares. Just stick with the daydream men, then.
What’s Love Got To Do With It?
Why should a man be of such importance in a woman’s life? Or a woman for a man’s life, for that matter? If anyone is looking for love and kindness and other good stuff from another person, they are never going to find it. You need to find love, kindness and other good stuff from yourself because you will never find it from another.
If you can find everything you need emotionally from yourself, then a lover has no power over you by threatening to leave you. You can be with your lover because you want to – not because you have to. This places less pressure in your life and the life of your lover or lovers, which may help smooth over the inevitable bumps in relationships (especially if you have more than one lover simultaneously.)
This approach will not work for every woman (or gay man), but the vast majority will serve themselves best by stop looking to men to give them the things that they can give themselves. They can channel their extra energies into doing more of the things that make them happy and fulfilled.
The Man of My Dreams
“Know thyself”, as the old saying goes. Well, after a lot of pain and agony, I’ve managed that. I fell in love with British singer-songwriter Peter Gabriel when I was 16. I knew I hadn’t a snowball’s chance with him, so I lowered my standards and settled for other men. Hey – I got lonely. But guess what? You could be making love to someone and STILL be lonely.
Having a boyfriend or husband has nothing to do with being happy. I found that out the REALLY hard way when my real life boyfriends either became addicts or beat the crap out of me. Finally, in 2004, I gave up on men in the real world.
But in my dream life, I had a strong relationship with Peter Gabriel. His entered my dreams before I even knew what he looked like. (There was no Internet in my youth. If I wanted to know what singer on the radio looked like, I’d have to trudge through twenty miles hip-deep in snow barefoot.)
The Peter Gabriel in my dreams (not to be confused with the real Peter Gabriel) has been the only human friend I’m not realted to that has more or less stuck with me since I was 16. And now I’m a lot older than 16. We have our problems. He can’t keep a schedule. He likes to wear disguises. He’s often not in the mood when I am. He hates it when I go see the real Peter Gabriel in concert. And there’s that whole he’s-not-really-a-human thing happening.
So, even the man of my dreams is an unreliable, bull-headed control freak. Hey, well, all realtionships have their problems.